Cocoon After Dark
There’s a certain kind of story we only tell in the dark.
The kind that lingers. The kind we’ve carried in silence. The kind that needs soft lighting, no interruptions, and someone who won’t flinch.
Welcome to Cocoon After Dark—I’mQuincy Tessaverne, and this is a space for truth-telling that’s tender, textured, and unapologetically queer.
Each week, we sit with voices—mostly Black, brown, LGBTQ+—who’ve lived through things that don’t always fit into polite conversation.
We talk identity, pleasure, boundaries, grief, reinvention, and the moments that changed everything.
This isn’t small talk. It’s soul talk.
So take what you need. Leave what you don’t. And listen with your whole body.
Cocoon After Dark
The Mess That Made Me: Nikki LaCroce on Trauma, Truth, and Transformation
What happens when your life shatters in one breath—when betrayal, addiction, and loss collide? Nikki LaCroce calls 2021 her "personal armageddon", and in this episode, she opens up about leaving a decade-long abusive relationship, losing her mother at the peak of the pandemic, and finding true love, and how those two griefs and one brief moment of curiosity changed her forever.
From those ashes, Nikki built a new voice and a new mission-helping others claim their stories and step into their truth through her work at her company NikkiLaCroce.com. Together, we talk about resilience, intimacy after loss, and the scars that follow even the tenderest moments.
The conversation is raw, and soulful, and proof what what breaks us can also remake us.
https://nikkilacroce.com/services/
https://linktr.ee/CocoonAfterDark
Hey everybody. Welcome to Cocoon After Dark. Tonight's guest is someone who has turned devastation into devotion and brokenness into a blueprint for connection. Nikki Laroche is a storyteller, a coach, and a truthteller who believes that our raw moments can become our most powerful. After walking away from a decade of abuse, surviving the loss of her mother in the middle of the pandemic and redefining her own voice, Nikki built a space, nikki croci.com, where she helps others do the same. They claim their story, they step into their voice, and they stop hiding in the shadows. She's living proof that out of betrayal and grief, something luminous can be born. And tonight she's here to tell us how she found her way through the fire and what it really means to live unashamed. So thanks, Nikki, for coming. But you know what? I never clarified with you exactly. How do you say your last name? Because I'm thinking of Jim Croy.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:You said it right? You're good.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:I just wanted to be sure after all the times you've ever chatted. I never clarified that and I just apologize upfront, but I'm glad I got it right.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:no you landed the plane and also just wow, what a wonderful intro. I was like, I'm would like a copy of that to use for my elevator pitch. I think.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Okay. I'll send it to you.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:It was really lovely and thank you for capturing it so beautifully. I actually got goosebumps as you were reading it'cause it's interesting to have your own story reflected back to you in that type of way.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Oh, I'm glad that you liked it. Thank you. So I wanna start a couple warmup questions. Even though we were chatting before and we had a good time and I wish some of what we were already talking about we had on camera.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:I've learned that the hard way. I feel like sometimes I'm just like, I'm gonna hit record in case anything happens here. So potentially a best practice for yourself
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Okay,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:don't
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:good.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:it all right. You can always cut out what you don't want.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Exactly. True. So my first question is. If you could speak three more languages, assuming you speak English fluently, what would they be?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Great question. Okay. So Italian would be great because I have a little bit of a starting point there. I spent a semester abroad in Florence in college
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Nice.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:I went with no understanding of the language. I had taken seven years of French and I was like, let's go to Italy. So that would be one I'd like to get better at because I would like to, I, I think it's so much more enriching when you go to a place and you can speak the language and that's one of my favorite places in the world.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:I agree.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:My wife Nicole and I always talk about wanting to, and we did little bit practice, but we fell out of it. Would love to learn a SL American sign language because it's something that I think a lot of people don't necessarily consider when they think about learning a new language. And I feel like it learning that could be a really great way to be more inclusive of people who maybe sometimes feel left out of conversations. And I
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Love that.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:it's funny'cause as I was saying that I just looked up to the corner behind my desk and there's a painting that my sister had given me after we lost my mom, which is the hand signal for I love you
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Aw,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:in
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:sweet.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:growing up my mom always used to kiss us goodbye and give us, and I love you before we left.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Oh, that's so cute. She spoke to you right then.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah. Yeah, totally. And then what would the third one be? I, my inclination is to say Greek, and that's because I spent a lot of time in Greece for business at one point, And I made some really great friends there. And was, they all spoke wonderful English and I spoke no Greek. And so I think when you're immersed in a culture and you're hearing the language constantly, there's something where you're like, you start to pick up. On a few I started trying to learn it a bit, but then I ended up not being back in Greece for a while and leaving that job. But I did enjoy it. I felt like it was similar to Italy. I feel like if it's a language that I could learn in a place where I enjoy being, I like to be more integrated into local culture and not necessarily being in the touristy places and being able to communicate with people and learn more about them. Like that just really excites me. It's two of them. I've had some immersion with. And the other one is just one that I feel would be wonderful to learn. And also I think, because we talk about when we get older with a SL, what if we lose our hearing? It would be great to just know that and have that available to us as well.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:True. I never thought about it like that, but yeah, absolutely.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Good one. What are three things Money cannot buy?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Money cannot buy empathy. We've learned that in fact, I would say might be extreme wealth might be the enemy of empathy at this point. Maybe not the enemy. Maybe that's the wrong way of putting it. Clearly I have a stance on this. We get the point. But I think empathy is something that you either have or don't have. I do think it can be cultivated. But that's with intentionality, not with money. I would say, money can't buy self-respect. I think a lot of people, or self-worth, a lot of people really hold onto the external validation that wealth provides. And, I like money too. I like security and safety. But I think if, one of the things that I realized was, so I went to college, graduated during the peak of the recession in oh eight. Didn't have money for a long time and then had, it was doing really well for myself. And then, through this really tumultuous divorce, had to give a lot of it away unjustly I would say. And then I ultimately continued to do well for myself. But when I left my tech role and I was faced with actually my bills for myself with my own paycheck coming in, I realized this really incredible shift in my perspective that I didn't expect, which was that I was tying a lot of my worth to the paycheck that I was getting through these other jobs. I, I didn't expect.'cause I thought I have that, I have self-worth and I, no, but it's that's easy to feel that way when the paychecks are coming in, right? But when they're not. I think it really made me more aware of how much I had to do a little bit more work on myself there and be able to acknowledge that there was a gap for me and a lack mindset that I needed to get out of. And I'd say the third thing is money might be able to buy you influence in certain circles, but I don't think it can actually buy you meaningful connection. I think the people who want to know you and respect you and care for you truly don't really care about the money that you have, and you should never have to use that to garner favor with the people in your life that actually really care and that you care about.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Absolutely. I totally agree. Going back to the it buying you happiness or not buying you happiness or even self-respect. I think about, sometimes when money's really good, you would justify, oh, I should buy this'cause I have the money. Oh I need this, I deserve this. Kind of everything. But then when you're, oh my God, I'm not gonna make as much money this month, you're like, I was so stupid. Why did I buy that? Why did I think I needed that?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:why didn't I save that money? Why didn't I invest that money in stocks? Or something like that. I just started reading China Rich Asians.'cause I read Crazy Rich Asians years ago, saw the film, but now I'm reading China Rich Asians, which is like the second part of it. It's after Nikki and, rachel get engaged and it's all the backstory around like their engagement and he's not talking to his mom anymore and what have you. And one of the women in the book starts buying all these Hermes bags. And the other woman, they're like all billionaires, but the, they're criticizing each other's use of their billions. And one is why didn't she just buy into such and such, buy stock in this business? Or why didn't she invest in that instead of buying these birken bags? Because some people say, and some of my friends are there, that these birken bags are an investment. I'm like, really? Are they? Because when you sell them back to the real or wherever, you don't get the price you paid for them.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:You drove it off a lot.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah. Literally drove it off the.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:It's interesting too that you say that because I think the other thing is that we, especially right now,'cause I had mentioned to you my wife's business was really pretty decimated by the tariff situation that's going on right now. And I've been working for myself and doing some fractional work and things like that, but there's a big difference in terms of the tech money that I was making, her having her income, and then us being in the situation where you're just reconfiguring everything you think about financially and going, okay, we're at the store now and we're really thinking about what we're buying with the intention of having it because. We're still okay, but you're so much more aware. And I'm going, why was I wasting money on that? Did I need to go out and get that specific thing? Did I need that junk food? Did I feel good after I ate it? No. And was it worth the money at this point? The answer's no. So you just really start to assess like what the value in your life is when the price tag's on it, and you're more conscious of whether or not you wanna spend. So I totally agree with you on that, especially from like, where could I be investing? Whether that's like an investment in a financial environment or just investing your money in would be better to spend a day going to the beach and spending a little bit of money to do that than it is to spend money on like a bunch of crap that I don't need that just sits in a corner in my house.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:I was listening to on my hike yesterday, I was listening to Queer Money Podcast, and they're these two dudes, they're retired, they're in their fifties, and this episode was specifically about how they retired in their fifties, and they said, yes, obviously we have some privilege because of where we were born, where we were raised, the fact that we're both white males, the jobs that we took. But we also took advantage of so many different things and didn't try to increase our lifestyle as our income increased. And one of the things they said was during the recession in 2008, instead of. Like squirreling money away, whatever money they could get that was extra. They were buying stocks. They have a million dollar portfolio that they would've never had, had. They have started their portfolio at a different point in time. Because it they took the opportunity, and so it really stuck with me yesterday and then I started reading China Rich Asians last night, and I'm like, there's a theme. There's definitely a theme. We're in that theme right now,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah in that. I think that we start to connect the dots in the day-to-day things that we're consuming without recognizing it, and then all of a sudden the patterns become apparent.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:yes.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:that's, it's a time for alignment is how I'm feeling.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah, totally. Totally. Yeah. That in, in the, in America, there's that Powerball. Do you guys have it in Canada? Do you have the Powerball?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:have something similar here. So I'm from the states, I'm familiar with that. Like I, I'm still getting used to what is Canadian specific versus what's not. I, the daily struggle that I have is looking at a temperature in Celsius and constantly being like, why can't Apple just make it so I can see both temperatures on my phone at the same time? It feels like such an easy fix. Canadian wise, I'd say they have lottery. I just don't know if it's like similar to the Powerball.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Powerball right now is$1.3 billion.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:It feels unnecessary. I also, can I say may, maybe this is unpopular opinion. I feel like the lottery's a scam. It's just I get the point of it in the sense like, and by the way, like I, I like a scratch off and things like that once in a while. I like the fun of
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Scratch.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:just, yeah. Yeah. But it's like, why I think about what we could do with that money if it was repurposed into community. And we're all like, putting into this funnel going, maybe I could get it. And it's you guys, if we put that money towards all of us, look at what could happen. But it's it's like grassroots gambling almost like what Like the way it builds up.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:it is. You're true. You're right about that. And in the same breath that you're saying that, I'm thinking too, when they were passing, having the lottery here to this magnitude that they were talking about how much money the schools were gonna get, I want someone to go back in and literally re research that. Especially right now, while so many things have gotten cut, especially in California with our school system and see where is that money going, if we are selling tickets like crazy since we're, one of the most populous states in the. 48 that we have it down here. Why are schools struggling so bad are public schools, which is the reason why my child does go to a private school because the struggle is real. And there's 35 kids in a math class. My kid is not good at math. She cannot be in a class of 35 kids. You will lose her and you won't lose her in. In a behavioral way, but she will get shuffled aside because she's not a behavior problem and she's not failing, but she's not winning either. And that was the decision that I made last year. I was like, for middle school and right now, for the foreseeable future high school, you will go to a private school because I just don't want you to be pushed aside because you're not a problem child. And I'm not saying that problem child are the ones that get attention, but when you need to control difficulties in the class, the those that can work on their own just get pushed off to the side, and it's such a struggle. And when you're, now, she's in classes, the max is 15. Nothing slides. Like nothing slides. I get updates every single day. You turned it in. You got this on a test, like whatever you were tardy, you weren't, I'm like every little tiny thing. And they have that to some degree, a public school too. But the teachers only have to worry about 15 kids. They don't have to put in 35 grades, 35. People, five this person was absent. Like it's such an easier process for the teacher. They're not as hired, they're not stressed.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah, and
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:yeah.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:I have friends who are teachers in the states, in public schools, and I know the level of energy and effort that goes into that, the responsibility that they put on teachers financially, I feel like they're not they're not compensated for what they do, but they're pulling funding for things that are needed. And the fact that they have to fund their own classrooms in a lot of ways, it's just it's really disappointing. I think that, when you speak to the class sizes and things like that too I grew up in classes. There were probably like between 25 to 30 kids, I'd say we had, I was in a really big school district, and I recognize in retrospect how much masking was happening as somebody who got diagnosed with A DHD later in life. I was one of those people where it's I could do well enough. I did well enough. Like I found ways to work through it. And I'm grateful for that. But I also, there were times where my mom hired a tutor for me for geometry or. Even when I went to college, I was very conscious of wanting to go to a school that had smaller classes because I, at one point I was looking at Syracuse and I was like, I'm gonna if the responsibility is on me to go to a class where there's 300 people in a lecture hall, I will never go to that. I will never go to that because I'm not gonna focus in that. So what's the point of even attending? They're not even gonna know that I'm there, so I ended up going to a small liberal arts college called Quinnipiac in Connecticut. And it was one of my classes a poetry class. One year was like eight people around a table. Other classes, that were more sort of general ed type things were maybe 20, 30 people. But it was very much by design for me to be able to be in an environment where I could focus. And again, retrospect, not even realizing that some of that could be the function of me being like, I'm overstimulated. With undiagnosed A DHD. It's just that doesn't work for me. So this is what I'm doing to support what does work for me. And so I think it's great that you're doing that for your daughter. I'm sure she appreciates it too, and I'm sure looking back even more so she'll be grateful that you did it.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:We wanna know, it's a funny story. My older daughter got accepted to Quinnipiac, so I actually drove onto that campus,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:so funny.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:but she saw it and knew it was too small. So for the exact opposite reason, she was like, hell no, let's get outta here. Like we didn't even get out of the car. She was like, Nope, nope.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:That's
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:is not it. And I'm like,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:fun. That's really funny. So I so when I went there,'cause I went there oh four to oh eight, it was 10 times smaller probably than it is now. The main campus is still probably a small, I haven't been back in years, but they have a bunch of satellite campuses within the town. Bigger, but it's it's not, if you're looking for a big campus feel, that's not what you're getting there.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:No, she went to Boston College instead.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:there you go. There you go. Yeah. And that's the thing too is it's not in a city, so it was very closed loop. I debated on going to certain schools in DC and things like that. I looked at a lot of cities, but I think for me, I just it was a surprise to me. I got there, I looked at a bunch of schools that were like maybes, and then I got there and it just felt really comfortable and easy for me. And again, I just think some of it was like I was overstimulated for Life and I was like, oh, it's like a nice area and a wooded
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:It's beautiful.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:It's incredible. Especially if you were there in the fall, it is like absolutely delightful.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:It was August, so it was,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Just shy. But New England fall is like the place to be. So if you visited Boston at that time of year,
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:yeah. Yeah, and then it quickly gets cold.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yep. Yeah, a hundred percent. It's completely intolerable.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:We like we the first weekend visit that we could go, my best friend was like, I wanna be with you. I haven't seen you in forever. I'm like, then meet me in Boston this weekend.'cause I'm gonna go see my daughter. And she's okay. So she meets me there and we were like going and while she was in class we were like going shopping and we had on like our pea coats and everything and we were like so jealous of all the boots that you could choose to wear. And we were talking to the sales girl. Oh my go, oh my God, you're so lucky you get to wear boots. And she's for six months, no thank you. She's I'd much rather wear what you were wearing. We were still so jealous. We each bought three or four pairs of boots and stopped them in our suitcases and we're like, we don't have this option at home.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:But anyway. You said you cracked. Oh gosh. Speaking of cracking.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:No
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Let take a drink.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:you.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Let's take a drink. You said your life. Cracked open in 2021. Betrayal addiction loss colliding all at once and yet somehow that breaking gave birth to a new voice. Nicola croci.com isn't just business, it's teaching others how to speak, how to claim space, how to be unforgettable when everything inside you was shattered. What made you choose to help others to find their voice instead of staying silent in your own?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:I would say it's recognizing the significance of your own story. I had the opportunity to really process what I went through in a variety of ways. First of all, I have an amazing support system in my life. I've been very lucky to cultivate friendships and have family in my life that are just rock solid humans who show up when you need them the most. And I wish that for everybody. And so I was lucky to have that. But I also had an amazing therapist who is exceptionally ethical and very much has adapted over time and grown her practice and what she does as I've been going through my healing journey. And so These weekly and sometimes twice weekly sessions at the helm of all of this, I was really uncovering so much about what was going on for me. And as I started going to therapy, I ended up starting my podcast. When I first started it, it was, am I allowed to curse here? It was called, who the Fuck? And the whole premise was like, who the fuck am I? I was really just challenging all the beliefs that I had in my life about myself. This was in 2019. I had been working at Amazon for about a year and I was feeling really miserable and I thought the reason I was going to therapy was'cause I was lacking purpose, but it wasn't really that. Over time I realized it was much, much more than that. But that was the gateway getting me in. And when I started the podcast, it was like I wanted something to light me up again and I'd gone to school to do documentary filmmaking. I've always had this deep desire to help people share their stories. I was just saying this to Nicole the other day that I. There's nothing more in this world that I want to do than help people share their stories, help them understand how important it is to not only own that, but in sharing that and in sharing that in the ways that are comfortable for people. I think vulnerability is essential. I think honesty and integrity are really vital to storytelling, and you have to know where your own boundaries are. But when we go through these really challenging times, if we hold onto that story, I think it's really easy to just identify ourselves with the things that have happened to us, and when we share it, I feel like there's this exposure that happens that gives people the opportunity to not only invite people to understand, but it also allows you to reflect on your own story in a way that you might not have if all you're doing is keeping it in, or even if you're writing it down. I think there's something to be said about actually speaking it to people that. Frees you a lot from the weight of the reality that sometimes can feel crushing when you're in those really challenging moments. And then you also get to experience the resilience. And that part for me was, that part for me was really incredible because I recognized as I was doing my podcast and I was talking to more people, how their stories were lifting me into this new version of myself because I'm hearing their stories of self and resilience and the power of the human spirit. And that ultimately was the combined catalyst for pushing me to a place where I recognize that I should leave this abusive relationship. And that I, when I did finally make the choice to leave and come back to myself, I started doing guest spots on other shows where I was sharing more about that experience and bringing transparency to something that I think a lot of people don't talk about. Like abuse in and of itself is a conversation that a lot of people don't have. We're seeing that in the media like literally today as survivors of Jeffrey Epstein come out. But like for me, that was it was liberating and it was validating for me because I also spent a lot of time fighting somebody in court knowing that I knew the truth and that they're just lying their way through all of this to get it done and over with. And when you have to settle with somebody who you know, has lied just to relieve yourself of that, It's unjust and I think you, you feel like you abandon yourself a little bit in that to just make it go away.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yep.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:so this was like an opportunity for me to reclaim my story and that came from witnessing other people share theirs. And so to me, I think that hearing other people share their stories is it's a gateway to empathy. And that is one of the ways that you cultivate it, right? Is by understanding better.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:So my other two questions are combined on basically what you said,'cause we're touching on your ex as a covert narcissist, And living the double life tangled in addiction. And I've walked in your shoes, not as strongly in every sense of the word, but I have been in your shoes. How did you learn how to love and trust again? And how are you still unlearning how to not be skeptical?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:I think the. The way I want to answer that is twofold. So it came to and trusting again, the first thing I had to do was learn to love and trust myself. And it might sound a little like corny or generic, but it's so true. I remember when I left the relationship that my therapist said to me, one of the hardest things that you have to do when you leave a narcissist is reclaim your sense of self. And she was absolutely right. don't realize how much of yourself you lose in the process because it just becomes your day-to-day. And the amount of people that welcomed me back to myself afterwards was profound. It was inspiring. And then it was also, you do feel this sense of shame and disappointment because you let it happen for so long. And when I say let it happen, I wanna acknowledge that. I never intend to victim blame or shame. I also know that I have accountability in my choice to stay. It was primarily psychologically abusive. It was physically abusive at the end. You don't necessarily know what's happening. when I was with this person, this was before we were talking about gaslighting. This was before anybody was mentioning narcissist. And if you were talking about a narcissist by the time I was in it, you're talking about an overt narcissist. Somebody who is very much has like the bravado and the charisma, and she didn't have that. She was the victim always everything about her in a way where you felt guilty. And I just, I let so much of my self trust go because I was getting gaslit for so long that regaining that was the most important thing for me to do. It was the ability to look back. I can even feel it in my body now where I'm like, oh, it's like I feel the tension and the recognition of you knew that those things didn't make sense. You knew that it couldn't possibly be this or that, and she would keep lying. And I would find ways to justify it because I didn't wanna look at the truth and have to face the truth. And I think that's the reckoning that can be the most difficult when it comes to loving and trusting again afterwards. But again, I had an amazing therapist. Like she's literally I feel so lucky because I think a lot of people, they think that they should go to therapy, but they're nervous to find somebody that works for them. And I just I've had a couple of bad goes at it and I had a very unethical couples therapist with that ex. So there were problems and you do have to be able to trust somebody. But I always felt so safe and able to communicate about these things and to get to that place where she was there when I left. She was there when my mom passed away and really was able to help put the pieces back together. And so because I had been doing a lot of this work before I even left that relationship, I was somewhat lucky. I would say that by the time I was in a place where a relationship opportunity was in front of me, I was surprisingly ready to go because the person that I'm with now, Nicole, who I'm married to, one of the kindest people I've ever met in my life. She's just a good soul. She's a light of a human being who gave me a safe place to exist. We were friends first, we'd met online, and it just felt so trusting. And we met without the intention of being something romantic. It was very much, we established a friendship boundary. I was, she was looking for her person. And I was like, that's cute. Good luck with that. And we could be friends, sort of thing. And we lived in different countries. And and at the time the border was still closed, so it was a weird situation anyway. And, basically me to get to that place it was a lot of gut checking myself as Nicole and it was a lesbian timeline. Let's be real. It felt like forever, but it was almost no time at all. We met, yeah the timeline is I left January, 2021. I, the beginning of the month I left the relationship. I went from the west coast to the East coast to stay with my sister. I, it was the beginning of January. I saw my folks a couple times, and then February 21st, my mom passed away. During that time, and it was super sudden. And so during that time I had, thank you. I'd got, I had gotten, it's like still like weird to me, I feel like. It's all a blur, but everything happened so rapidly, like this is, so there was the devastation that happened where it was like this horrible situation has unfolded with the ex, and then I lose my mom suddenly just as I'm like really feeling repowered. And then I drew the ex back in because I was like, I need the support. And I wanted her at the services and stuff. And she showed up, but then she was a disaster person and just further validated why why she shouldn't be in my life. And just drawing rifts between my family and my friends and myself. And so when she left again, I basically was like, we're done here. And then by the time I got back to the west coast again, after we had spent time with my family and things like that I told her she needed to be making plans to move out, get her health insurance, all this stuff sorted out. She didn't do any of it. And so I'd gotten back, I think it was April 6th at that point, and she was not hearing me that I was like, I want. To not be together. I could tell that the manipulation was happening. I'd been far away from it for long enough that I had a friend say to me like, just go back detached.'cause if you go back with any sense of attachment, like she's gonna pull you back in. And so I'm glad that my friend said that it was really important. And then that night she was manipulative and it was whatever. And the next day I told her I want a divorce. And she was like, you don't even wanna try to be separated. And I was like, NN that's what we just did. No. We're done here. And then I had come back. I had gone out to be by the water for a little bit, and then I came back and that was the night that she physically assaulted me. Because I had found out that she was messaging dealer on her phone, which I like al there's so much backstory to this. There was so much evidence that this is what was happening and denial and all of it. And so when that happened, it was just such an obvious there's no other option than done here. And it ended up basically. Really rapid fire going through like restraining orders and divorce attorneys and all this stuff that dragged out because she wasn't compliant, which was frustrating. But all of that said and you can cut this out if you need to. Sorry. It's always so hard to figure out the right details to give context and then not go too far down the rabbit hole. But, so basically that was the beginning of April and then whatever went off in my brain was like, I was not looking to date to be very clear, but there was this part of me that was like, I've been in this relationship for 12 years and I don't know what's happening out there. What's going on with the lesbians? I hear about all of my straight friends on dating apps and it sounds like a nightmare. I don't wanna do that. And so I was just like, I'm just gonna look like, let's just see what's happening out there. I just lay of the land, what's going on here. I'm fully aware that the situation that has unfolded with the relationship and my mom, this is not like. I'm not somebody that people should be dating right now.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:This is not the prime time.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah. And so I, I downloaded this app called her and it, I would say it's more of a queer community app
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Targeted towards lesbians there's people who are polyamorous and bisexual and things like that. And so I had a couple of conversations going with people and I was just looking, I was maybe also trying to self validate, if I'm being honest. I'm like, are people into this? Who knows?
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah. Yeah.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:let's find out.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Do I look as worn out and exhausted
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:yeah.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:feel, because I need to know.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:What's funny is, so like right before I did this, I had actually after losing my mom, my, my closest friend in Pennsylvania at the time is, had been my hairstyles for years. And so we chopped off my hair and dyed it bright red.'cause red was my mom's favorite color. And I just was like. You know how people say that they get bangs when they go through something. I was like, this is the crisis. This is representative of the crisis that I'm going through right now. Cut it all off bright red, like just let it be what it is. And I think that when I had posted photos of myself on there, most of them weren't that, but that was the main photo that I had up there. So it was not even really truly representative of my vibe. Nicole's mom thought that I was like, more punk rock, and I was like, oh, I couldn't be further from that. It's just not accurate. But so I think when it comes to that, there was this openness for me to just be like what does it feel like to put myself out there again? And so then by April 20th or so that's when Nicole and I had connected, and then about a week later we picked up the conversation again and. had just been looking to make friends also. So she had updated her profile. I think originally it said she was looking for a person we didn't match, and then she had swapped her photo and I saw that she was looking for friends. And I was like, oh, okay. Oh, this is that same person. Then cool, maybe like we don't live that far away. Maybe we could hang out at some point when the borders open. And then when that happened she had been dating somebody else briefly. I was talking to somebody else. Those things fell apart and then all of a sudden we're having all these conversations that are really intimate and full of depth. And by the way, she got to know me really quickly because she listened to my whole podcast before we had a lot of conversations. She's a
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:So she Googled you.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:It was in, she a I think I'd put in my profile that I had a podcast
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Oh,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:asked me for it. And it was so funny because she's a podcast junkie, so she listens to them constantly.'cause her work gives her space to do that while she does other things that don't require mental energy. And so I had no idea how well she was getting to know me in the process before I really knew her. And then we started exchanging voice
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:and
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:and it was really intimate. Not in a way that was romantic, but just feeling like somebody really saw you and that you could be really open and honest with them. And she just created such a safe space. And then it was no more than two, three weeks later, by the time we hit that, where we were like, oh, okay. Out we like each other. And then all of a sudden it was like, we're in love and this is it. It was
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:you hadn't even met.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:No. Now I didn't say the I love yous to be fair. It was very much the first part of it was. Really establishing a friendship that was, we were talking constantly. I was on a leave of absence from work because life had happened. And she was not in her busy season with her business. So we both had time and space and we just were really getting to know each other. And what's cool about this too is that my dad and mom actually had a long distance relationship because they had met at the Jersey Shore, but for three years they didn't live near each other. They were airports apart. They had to deal with long distance calling and things like that. And so my dad, at the same time, this is happening and unfolding with Nicole is telling me how he and my mom, had fallen in love with each other's souls because they didn't get to see each other, spend time in person. And so that was like really special in a way that I don't think I would've necessarily appreciated as much if my dad hadn't been in such a vulnerable place to be able to share that with me also. And that for me was really, I recognized the importance of having the friendship first, and then when that felt really safe, it just. Became so obvious to both of
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:I called it out to Nicole and I said do we keep saying, we're each other's sort of bar for whoever's coming next because we're best friends. Look, it's great. Nicole's you're gonna be in my wedding. She said, I thought, wedding party not standing on the other side of altar.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Oh my God.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:So there was so much there between us, and I think because we didn't force it, was never this sense of, Ooh, is this out of bounds or
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:this a red flag? Because I was gut checking myself the whole time because I wasn't thinking of it romantically. So when you can look at it more objectively, I think you have the opportunity to actually assess the situation a bit better
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:my historic relationship past was just infatuation. And then I really clung to that infatuation. And the word I would use to describe myself in my younger years, and it makes me cringe, is I had total pick me energy and it's very disappointing to look back and see that. I never once felt that way with Nicole, and I think when you don't feel like you're waiting for somebody to pick you, you actually become more magnetic. Right.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:I totally agree. That's an interesting way of looking at it.'cause I remember after I got out of a marriage that was quite long, when I first started dating people, it was like everyone knew I had, I I must have had signs or like pheromones, like rushing out of me or something. Like everywhere I went, every person I met, it seemed like they had this attraction. And I was like, Ugh. Like I, I just wanna play. I just wanna have a good time. I just wanna be free. Don't do this to me. Don't trap me. And that only lasted so long before I was like now I can't hurt their feelings, and I went through a few relationships and then I got to the point where it was still happening for quite a few years, and I would get to the point where I would have sex with somebody and I would say. Don't fall in love with me. Please don't. Because I knew that as soon as they got those feelings, fuck, now I'm in a relationship and I don't wanna be in a relationship. I just wanna have fun.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:because lesbians are like that.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah. So
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:I and I, it's
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:it's worn off now, thank God. Like I, it's, I can go out and do my thing and just chat with friends and nothing happens. And I'm like, oh, thank God. Like it's so much more freeing than that before,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:yeah. It is interesting too because I also have a much greater sense of confidence because of the work that I've done on myself, and so I. I feel like that was also a way for me to protect myself, to be more confident, to not fall into the trap of other people's manipulation or desire or that immediate gratification and my own as well. And for me, it was so funny because Nicole says, she's I feel like I got you at the exact right time, because I feel if you went out there with this level of confidence, like you'd be cleaning up. And I'm like, I don't, I'm also like, not that person. I just, I can't I like people too much. And I think when I feel attracted to people, whether that's friendship or romantically, I just, I really invest in it. And so I'm like, did find me at the right time because I think I would've probably been open to people that maybe would've been wrong for me because I would've felt excited about it. And there they might not have been most toxic. But I could tell that I was reliving some patterns that if I wasn't with somebody who was such a good hearted person, some of that stuff would've taken longer to flush outta the system.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:But yeah, batting cleanup, that probably would've been you. Yeah, I'm going in what position is that on the team where you bat cleanup? Is that like seventh batter or something like that?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:So you credit your therapist, your family, and your friends for carrying you, but I wonder in your quiet hours, who is there and what did survival look like in the moments that only you were witnessing?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Ooh, that's a really good question. There were so many moments that only I've witnessed, in fact there, I look back, I actually have a lot of notes in my phone that I had written to myself during the really bad times before I had left and before losing my mom, and then also after the fact. And it's really interesting to see what you knew all along that you weren't. to admit or acknowledge because going back and reading these things now it was almost in the same breath, I'd be writing about how I don't understand why they're like this, or here's these problems that I'm not willing to accept, and then all of a sudden I'm justifying she's gone through a lot of trauma and there's all these things. And I actually learned a lot about healing from trauma because of the lies that she told me and the manipulation that happened because I was trying to help her. So it actually incidentally really teed me up to heal myself, which worked out great ultimately if I wanna find a silver lining there. But when it comes to those really dark moments and not necessarily dark and somber but to your point, isolated moments, I think that there was a lot of questioning that. I couldn't reconcile, and I felt so insecure about telling anyone. I didn't want people to judge me. But it was almost like, it wasn't really as much about their judgment as it was about myself, judgment. And so when it came to my ex, that's a lot of how it felt. It felt like justifying the relationship to myself, trying to justify the relationship to other people. But at my core, knowing that none of that was right, I just didn't know what that felt like to really have that self-trust. And then when I, when I lost my mom, it became really clear to me. It was so easy to end everything with the relationship when that happened because I was like this is, there's just no point in continuing onward with you. Because my biggest fear at the time prior to losing my mom, was losing this person because they had been reckless, they had gotten in car accidents, there was all this stuff that was happening. And so I was constantly hypervigilant on edge, worried about her dying. In reality, my biggest fear was actually my mom dying. So my therapist, my poor therapist, I still remember her face when I had to tell her that my mom died in the world. I'm like, I just, she was probably like, oh my God, this is like the worst thing that could happen on top of the worst thing that just happened. And so that is a big part of why I give her a lot of credit because like she's really been there in the thick of it. She, for everyone who didn't know anything, she knew much.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Wow.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:and I think that when I look back on that mom, in the moments right before she passed away, she like, really Mama beared, she really showed up. And the last time that I hugged her in person was at my sister's house and she and my dad had come down because of something that had happened with my ex. And I was giving her a hug and I just said, thanks so much for being here for me. And she just said, we're always here for you, Nick. And then I like went in for a second hug and I was just like, I remember the moment, like I'm so grateful that I went in for that last hug because it was something that like, I remember the way her winter coat felt and sounded, and I just have this moment of recognition that I still carry with me that, she is always here with me. And so a lot of those quiet moments are talking to her and revisiting the encouragement that she's given me over the years and the confidence and the self-worth that she, really instilled in my sister and I'm grateful that she got to see me when I had left, even if I wasn't fully out of it at the time. I could feel so much better knowing that I was upfront with my parents about it. And it felt like we were going to be getting closer because of that. So in that way it felt really cut short. But on my desk I have. I have it's like a framed card that my mom gave me,
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Oh,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:it wasn't framed. I framed it and it's a, the inside of the card says, I'm behind you every step of the way. But she added beginning to end all the time, all my level ways. Mom and I have it
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:I love that.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:because I just, that's what I think of. I think about how the letters that I, wrote to myself trying to navigate things when I was alone. And all of it became conversations with my mom after she had gone letters I had written to her about, meeting Nicole or processing the feelings that I'd had about things. And so I think in a way, as much as I was processing on my own, through my writing, through my podcast I did a few episode, solo series of. Of the podcast after I had taken a year off to just walk through my journey and to just speak it out loud. And so I think sharing my own story, to get back to your original question really opened me up a lot and freed me a bit. And I think having, my mom there in spirit throughout all of it, really continued to move me forward. And it became more about living for myself than it ever had been. Because I was just always so focused on other people and where that would go. And now I feel a lot more comfortable acknowledging that I can hold space for myself because of that support that I had and those moments.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:So thank you for sharing that.'cause it was very painful for me to hear it'cause I haven't heard that side of the story in our short conversations that we've had up to this. Again, I have walked in your shoes and I wish that not on anybody, but I want to know as you were. Healing and as you are noticing patterns that you wanted to break and how you said, even through helping someone else you, it was like preparing you to be nicola croci.com. How, what has been the most transformative experience for a client that you work with now?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:So I, I'd say that it's interesting'cause I think that it varies, right? I think the significance for people is really in the recognition and for me, it's not necessarily one person. what I love about what I do, and this is the documentarian in me coming out, is that I feel like when we think about our stories and we tell our stories, we often do it in a linear fashion, even though it's anything but linear. Easy for us in terms of timelines to be like this year to this year and this month to that month. But we zoom out and we really look at the whole picture and we just lay it all out, it's like taking everything out of the drawer and just putting it on the floor and being like, what do we have here? What are we working with? That's my favorite part of working with clients because what I've learned and what I've witnessed in a lot of people is. There are so many parts of our stories that we hold on to your point, some of those moments that are in the dark that nobody sees, and those can be the most transformative, both for us to share and for other people to hear. And so one of my close friends actually, who I know quite a bit about, she and I have worked together as a client and she has a miraculous story through and through. And she's somebody who's also very humble. And I'm like, you have just an incredible story. Like I need, like people need to hear this. If you're comfortable sharing it, people need to hear it. I would never want somebody to share something they don't feel comfortable with. But to be able to say to somebody, look at the pieces of the puzzle here and see how you can put this together to be the most impactful have somebody feel seen like visibly, you can watch them recognize. Themselves, how powerful that is. That for me, that moment of transformation, that light bulb going off for them, is the most gratifying feeling in the world. Like I've worked with with people in different industries. And also I've done some volunteer work for an organization that does a podcast with a show called Concrete Mama. And their co-hosts are in, some of them are still in prison, so they're incarcerated. And so it's a really incredible show. I highly recommend anybody listening to it. It's absolutely amazing. It's human interest. It's it's not true crime, I would say. But it's, it really, it's culturally significant for this moment for sure. And the human stories that come out of it are and fantastic and just beautiful to witness. And I mentioned that show because I was invited to chat with the hosts by one of my friends who works with them. And I didn't really know what I was getting into. I just I've never had this experience before and it was a virtual meet, but. They were so open and curious and wanting to understand like how they could improve what they were doing and with them how they can be more vulnerable and like the way to get more out of the conversations that they're having. Like just even being part of that separate of the other work that I'm doing. But to see people feel valued for who they are and to feel understood when they share their story. It's, to me is nice. I like having a business where I can help people do that, but the whole idea of, you never work a day in your life if you really love what you do. I would go around the world just talking to people and asking them to share their stories, hold space for
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Oh yeah.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:just to be able to be witness them It for themselves.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:I totally agree. I had a friend in college that, and this was in graduate school actually that was writing stories for different incarcerated people. And at the same time we had someone in our cohort whose father had been unjustly imprisoned for the death of his own mother.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Oh
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:So we had these two very strong very strong graduate students just in my cohort that were working in the prison industrial complex, sorry, I can't talk right now. Prison industrial complex and the different sides of the story.'cause his was, interviewing people that you know, may or may not have been unjustly incarcerated and hers was trying to figure out how to free her father from actually being unjustly incarcerated. But, I have had several family members in that same position, and I remember the first time going to that sort of situation and I took a voice note myself and said, I should not be here. This is not a place that I was born to be in. And you feel like a criminal yourself, right? Because, and you feel guilty. You go in, you have to sign in, say who you're there for, wait, in a sterile waiting room. Be guided by guards up to where these people are behind, very thick glass windows and, sorry, I just hit my microphone and talk on these phones. And the whole time you're sitting there, everyone's watching you, and it's like. I'm not the criminal, but you still feel like a criminal, and the, thankfully for me, the person I was talked to on the other side, this is when they were their most vulnerable because there wasn't, they were feeling safe. They were feeling. Protected, but they were also feeling like a moment of redemption. Like I have to tell you exactly what happened. I need you to know that I love you this much. I need you to know these sorts of things. So I can imagine for some of the people that are on this show that are trying to tell these stories and things like that, when someone isn't coming and visiting them anymore, because it does get old, and you'll get there and you'll,'cause these places are not close to where the majority of the population live. Like you're driving hours and you get there and that day the whole crew decides to screw up and they say there's no visiting hours today. You get back in your car and you drive all the way back.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:So when you're not getting that opportunity to talk with somebody that is not judgmental, and that just really wants you to be able to help other people or help share your story or what is it that, that you can be that voice in that vessel for people? It's honorable, and thank you for saying that.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:well, I appreciate you sharing that too, Quincy. And I do wanna, if you wanna keep this in, you can, a little bit of a shameless plug for them. So the company the founder is this guy Vic Chopra. He's one of the co-founders and my friend
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Say the name again.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Vic Chopra.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Okay.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:I feel like I wanna introduce you to him.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah. I love it.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:do that.'Cause he is in the queer community and I feel like
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Nice.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:conversation for you guys. In fact, but he. Somebody. So he was incarcerated for six years and he co-founded Incarcerated And Concrete Mama is the brainchild of this team. They also do a bunch of other documentary work. And so the shameless plug is, yes, go listen to Concrete Mama. Second season will be coming out soon. But also they did lose, so they work with the Department of Corrections. And because of shifts in budget and things like that, they lost a lot of the funding that they had. And so they are doing a big fundraiser on September 20th, but they're also continuously fundraising. So if anyone listening is interested in learning more and wants to, fundraise for or donate to incarcerated productions. Definitely reach out to them. Reach out to me and we'll put you in touch with the right people because I think is something that I'm really passionate about. I love the team. I love what they're doing. And they're really cultivating what we're calling a justice media movement and focusing on the marginalized voices of people who deserve to be heard. And to your point, in the prison industrial complex, like they having, what incarcerated is doing is creating these media labs in the prisons to give the opportunity to people too. skills when they leave that can be applicable so that they are not at risk of coming back. So not only is it, a skill building thing in terms of hard skills and technical skills, but it's also, hearing these guys' stories, it is you, I highly recommend listening to it, but I don't recommend listening while driving because it's going to be at some point like a tear fest. You
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Oh wow,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:it's gonna happen. It's riveting, it's powerful. It's insightful. They also give they have one of the hosts who does like history lessons on the prison sort of stuff. There's incredible sound design. It's honestly no other show that I've ever heard. So
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:wow.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:something that I'm passionate about and I just want as many people as possible to know about. So I appreciate you letting me take that detour.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:No, for sure. And let's, yeah, give, send it to me and I'll put it in the show notes too so people can go to that. And are they on Instagram?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah, they're
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Okay.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:And then we've been talking a bit more about getting things onto YouTube and building more traction there.'cause they also have been, they just really have an incredible production team. And the more I, I think at this point it's more about can you move fast enough for what you wanna do? Which I think we're all often caught in that,
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah, exactly.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:decision making process. What do you do first and how quickly can you get it done?
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Oh my gosh, that's always it, right? Like you, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but how do I dig my way all the way there in a timely fashion? Because time goes so much faster now than it ever has. And someone else can come up with your idea or even hear like an inkling of your idea and 10 x that, and you're like, crap, I just missed my chance.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:yeah, there's that whole thing of being vulnerable and telling people your thoughts. And then there's the whole like, I can't tell anyone this because somebody's gonna steal my idea, and run with it. But I think you always have to think about what you said, your story is unique and individual. So the way that you are going to spin it, play it, develop it, nurture it is 100% uniquely you, right? So when you're working with. Your clients, what do you feel like is the biggest hurdle of getting them to open up so that they can actually start telling their story, which is why they came to you in the first place?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah, that's a great question. Quincy, feel really lucky because I receive a lot of feedback. That talking to me quite quickly is a very comfortable, safe space for
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:I 100% agree.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Thank you. I will say I think that is also the product. I think some of it is just who I am inherently. And I also give credit to my mom because growing up I witnessed her always engaging with people going to doctor's offices and being really conversational with receptionists or at schools and things like that. Some of that I think is nature and nurture, but there is also, from the healing that's come from what I've experienced, lot more open-mindedness and a lot less judgment. I still occasionally watch reality TV and I like to have my own little quippy feelings about things in the privacy of my own home. But I do also watch reality TV with my wife, with the intention of being like, so are they gonna grow? Are they gonna make the right decision? We want that's what we're looking for here. So it's like a very different dynamic now. We're like, they should go to therapy. Do you think they're going,
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:my God, that's funny.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:When we when I talk to people if they're considering becoming a client or if they're a client, I, one of the things that I really establish with them is that they are open to the journey of going into some of the deeper parts of their story, that I am not a therapist. That's not what this is about. It's the parts of your story that you're already comfortable sharing or you're comfortable, exposing and you can navigate that however you need to. But recognizing that could be something that is compelling part of how you actually share yourself with your ideal viewer, client, whoever it might be. So when I started this, the intention was really focusing on people who are new to podcast guesting or people who are podcast guests who wanna enhance their podcast presence. I also have had a lot of people come to me and say. I have my own business, I'm a coach, or I do just a variety of other things and I want interview style content where I can just be more organic because I can speak to the camera, but it just doesn't feel as natural. And I think you get a lot more out of an engaging conversation like this where you've got somebody on the other side to respond to. And so for me, that's been really validating in that is the opportunity for people to acknowledge within themself how far they're willing to go at the onset. And if somebody is locked up about something, I always offer the space to share. But I also insist that if it's not comfortable for you, there's no obligation to share it. And what's interesting about it is I find that in those moments, or if I ask a question to somebody and say, nobody's ever asked me that before, that even if they don't go there right away, you can see the wheels starting to spin. The recognition that it could be really beneficial to tap into that. And when that happens, I think it also gives people the sense of you don't have to follow the script, don't have to do this for the algorithm. You can actually just do and say what feels right in the moment because it's true to you. And when you do that, I feel like that's authenticity, I think is like the highest vibration. So if that's the case, then you showing up fully and being able to sorry, the word's failing me, being able to express that, it creates more of a magnetism for you. Whereas I think sometimes we listen to people, you're a podcast host, right? Sometimes people are talking and it just feels almost like too refined where you're like, is that the story you always tell or is that the real story? And so even as a host, I would always say to people. What's the part of your story that doesn't get enough airtime, and that's the invitation that I always give to people when I'm working with them. That's the invitation I'll give to somebody who's just talking to me for the sake of talking to me. Because I think that there is so much underneath the neatly curated story we like to tell. Even if there's trauma in that neatly curated story, it's still like we've defined what goes into that story, but sometimes the most and engaging and impactful pieces are just under the surface of what we've gotten comfortable sharing. Yep.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:I 100% think that when you tell the story so often, it literally just becomes a script. You don't feel anything anymore. You don't feel the nuance. You're not even changing it from day to day as you relate to that story, because obviously through the years and through having multiple experiences since then, that could be similar. When you're banging your head against the wall, like, how did I get in this position again? Or going, oh my God, I can see where this is going and running the other way. If you keep saying it and telling it the same way, you're actually not learning anything, right? You're not fully. Making the conscious choice to improve, to avoid, to, grow from something that really changed your life, right? Affected your life. And I can feel myself even through the, I don't know, I think you're the 10th person at this point that I've interviewed for this podcast. And every time I've talked to somebody, I don't say the same story obviously, but I can feel myself thinking of different nar narration based on things that they've said about something that triggers me to go, oh gosh, I've had that same experience. So thank you so much for coming on the show. I have some like closing questions, and these are one word questions. Okay. So when I say the word, you're just going to answer.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Wait, is this like word association?
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:It could be, but it could just be.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:be thoughtful about it
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Yeah, you could be awful. Yes, but it's still short. It's very short. And I'll reword them, but the word is what it is. Okay. You're guilty. Pleasure.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:I hate to admit this. It is, it's 90 day fiance.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Not what? I thought you were gonna say it all, but I love that. That's so funny. I've never seen that show in my life, so I don't even know what it is.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:it's here. I there's short answers, but I just need to, there's probably other guilty pleasures, but right now I can't think of them. And that's the one that comes to mind where I think the most that I judge myself about
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Oh, you judge yourself about it. Okay. So then what's your biggest regret? One word.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:staying.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Good. Your wife.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Unconditional
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Awesome. Worst habit.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:impulsivity.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:What is it?
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:Impulsivity.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Impulsivity. Okay.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:it's a habit, but that's the feeling,
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Turn off.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:arrogance,
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Turn on.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:kindness.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Hero.
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:My mom.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Aw, I love that. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for the generosity that you have provided me through working on this project to be a podcaster. The coaching that you've given me unbeknownst to yourself and the intentional just. Emails and voice texts and things like that so that I could do the best that I can in this space. In addition to continuing to work on my other businesses and things like that. But this is my therapy is being a podcast host and I'm loving it. And I love your show, your wife's show like you guys, and I mean by your show, like you guys as a couple, like you inspire me that there someday again will be somebody out there that meets me at that very right moment that I am ready to be like, yeah, I am ready to be in a very serious, committed relationship again. So thank you so much. Have a great rest of your day and we will chat soon,
nikki_2_09-03-2025_101937:thank you so much, Quincy. I appreciate it. I appreciate you and I'm so excited that you're doing this. And yes, I think in the right environment, podcasting is very much its own form of therapy and I'm so excited. This has been an awesome experience and I can't wait to tune into the other episodes that you've recorded. I.
justin-8-27-25_7_09-03-2025_101937:Thank you.
