Against the Current: Keala Kennelly's Championing of Diversity in Surfing

In this compelling podcast episode, the host, recording from a cabana in Hawaii, dives into an intimate conversation with Keala Kenley, a trailblazing surfer who defied stereotypes and broke barriers in the world of professional surfing. Keala recounts her childhood challenges of being perceived as different, her struggle with gender norms, and her relentless pursuit to be accepted and respected in a male-dominated sport. The discussion explores her time on the professional tour, the immense pressure to conform to traditional feminine images, and her groundbreaking achievements, including pioneering big wave surfing for women. Despite facing significant setbacks, discrimination, and financial instability, Keala’s story is one of resilience, courage, and unwavering determination. This episode is a powerful testament to her legacy and an eye-opening narrative on the intersection of sports, identity, and cultural change.

00:00 Introduction and Setting the Scene

01:09 Acknowledging Kayla's Impact

02:19 Kayla's Early Life and Gender Identity

05:07 Navigating Gender Expectations

09:08 Discovering Surfing and Seeking Acceptance

12:16 Struggles with Sexual Identity

15:49 Life on the Pro Surfing Tour

27:45 Coming Out and Living Authentically

34:30 Self-Work and Healing

35:16 Struggles with Bipolar Disorder

35:33 Tour Challenges and Suicidal Ideation

36:41 Support from Family

37:31 Leaving the Tour and HBO Opportunity

46:16 Transition to Free Surfing

48:28 Financial Struggles and Industry Bias

52:54 Breaking Barriers in Big Wave Surfing

01:05:39 Recognition and Continued Challenges

01:07:16 Final Thoughts and Call for Justice

Transcript

0:04

Hey guys, I am popping in at the beginning of this podcast because while I did say. As we go into the intro that I was recording from Hawaii, I forgot to mention that we were out in a cabana by the pool, just chilling. And of course, you know when you're outside you can hear the birds, which is beautiful. You can also hear a motorcycle and some kids and various other things, and at the very end, the audio gets cut off. I'm not sure if I lost. Um, wifi or not at the very end. So once you finish listening to this episode, I will come on and finish telling you what it was Kayla and I were talking about. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the wonderful, amazing down to hearth, incredible human named Calla Kenley.

Quincy: 1:09

Hey everybody, we are recording from Hawaii today, and before we begin, I wanna acknowledge something. They're athletes who impress us with skill. And then there are rare humans who shift culture, who make us confront fear, identity, and possibility in ways that stay with us long after that moment passes. Kayla, you're one of those people. You push boundaries in the sport that wasn't built to hold your voice, your identity, or your fire. And instead of shrinking or waiting for permission, you carved your own path in salt water and in stone, you showed the world that bravery isn't loud, it's honest, it's intimate, and it's earned. So today, this isn't about headlines, trophies, or what the world already thinks they know today is about the ocean version of you, the girl, the woman, the survivor, the creator, the human behind the legend. Thanks for being here. I am so, so happy. Wow. What a great, what a

Keala: 2:01

great intro. Yeah, that was like. Poetic.

Quincy: 2:04

Thank you. Yeah. You're a poet. I mean, look at you on your board and in life and everything that you're, you know, talking about right now on your Instagram and so forth. Really. Oh yeah. The Instagram, the gram. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right. So before we start, let me ask you a simple question. Who did you believe Little Keala was before you started surfing? And what did you secretly hope you could become?

Keala: 2:34

Uh, little Keala believed she was a boy. Mm-hmm. Because I had two brothers and no sisters, and all the neighborhood kids were boys. So I just thought, I was like, I just thought I was one of them. And then I was like, very disappointed when like my parents and like other, other people in society started. It like keying me into the fact that I was different and like, no, you're a girl.'cause it just, it came with so many negative con connotations. Like, it wasn't, it wasn't positive. It was like, it was always like a, you're a girl, therefore you can't

Speaker 3: 3:18

Mm,

Keala: 3:18

you can't play tackle football with the boys. You can't, you know, basically like whatever fun thing I wanted to do, it was kind of like, oh, you shouldn't be doing that'cause you're a girl. And I was just like, this is terrible. Being a girl sucks. Mm-hmm. Like, I remember, I remember my mom like sitting me down and just being like, no, but you, you're a girl. And like, you know, like there's, and then she, I think she was trying to make me feel better about it because she was like, well there is this one thing you can do that like boys can't do. And I was like, I was really excited. I was like, oh my God. Like I have like this a special power as like, girl, this is great. And then she said, yeah, you can, you can, um, you can have babies. Oh. And I remember just like being absolutely fucking shattered at this news. And like, I think I started crying and then I remember being like, kind of like suicidal about it at six years old. Just like, I felt like I'd been dealt this really raw deal in life. And I was just like, no, I wanna start over. You know? Like I wanna be reincarnated as a boy. It's way more fun. And so, like, I think like as a 6-year-old, I was, I was actually like contemplating offing myself.'cause I was like, maybe I'll come back as a boy, it'll be way better. And then I was like, oh, but what if you don't come back? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3: 4:40

Like,

Keala: 4:41

like if I off myself, like what if like, that's it, fade to black and my only chance at life, like I squandered it. So, so I think right then and there, I just decided well like, okay, I have to spend this life as a girl, so I'm just gonna. However, I, I wanna live, I'm gonna do whatever I wanna do. I'm gonna do all the things the boy, the boys do, and I'm just gonna make the most of it. So

Quincy: 5:06

That's smart. Yeah. I can't, I, I think you told us one time that you suddenly started to having to wear a shirt, like you weren't wearing a shirt, and all of a sudden people were like, you need to wear shirts.

Keala: 5:17

Yeah, I remember. I like, well,'cause like when I was really, you know, when we were little, little, like growing up rural Kauai, like your parents, you know, gen Xers, like your parents just like free range. And so like, like when we were little, little, they'd just like throw, throw us on the beach butt naked, you know. And then when we started actually like wearing clothes, I didn't wanna wear a bikini. Like I would just steal my brother's board shorts. So I'd have board shorts on the bottom and like no shirt on. Like,'cause that's what all the boys did, you know? And uh, and then I think when I was like, I don't know, like six or seven years old, and it was like, oh no, you. You have to, you have to wear something on top. And I just like didn't understand it.'cause I like obviously had not grown any kind of boobs yet. You know, I was still six or seven flat chested like a boy. So I remember going to school one day, I was probably like six or seven years old. Six, seven. I was waiting for you. What the

Quincy: 6:19

fuck is that? I don't know. Sage and I have looked it up so many times and we still don't get it. Still can't figure

Keala: 6:25

out. I don't, man. And yet we

Quincy: 6:26

do it, but we don't know what it's supposed. I don't do it

Keala: 6:28

cause I don't know what it is, like

Quincy: 6:30

it's something from a song, but what in the song isn't supposed to be

Keala: 6:34

anyway? I dunno. Full side quest. But, um, I remember, um, going to school and it was kind of cold in the morning, so I like had put on a, a, a sweatshirt, but I didn't put anything on under the sweatshirt. So like I got to school and it was like recess and like the sun had come out and it was like really hot and I'm. Playing like four square, remember? Four square. Totally. You know, and I was standing in the line for the four square and like the blazing sun. And so I was just like, bro, I'm hot. So I like, I remember I took my sweatshirt off at school. At school and I fully got in trouble and like had to go to the principal's office and like got shamed. And I was just like, I just didn't understand. I'm like, what? Like I, I'm hot. Like,

Quincy: 7:15

oh my God. So when did you start, like, I mean, you said that you started embracing a girl and that you were just gonna live Yeah. To your fullest. Yeah. But like, how did you decide to have even like she her pronouns or whatever, or did you want to be they or?

Keala: 7:30

I didn't. I didn't. I don't think I, well there was no, they them back then, right. Um, I probably in my earlier years would've been a they them. Um, although I like, I, I identify as a woman, um, even though I feel like I have like very masculine kind of mannerism. Um, but I'm very, I have feminine qualities that are kind of more covert. Like I'm a very sensitive, like, emotional person. Uh, and then I also like to do domestics. Like I love cooking. Yeah. Um, I like doing things around the house, but then on the other hand, I, I love building shit and like power tools. So it's just like somebody once told me like, they're like, you're like Martha Stewart and also Bob the builder. Like, you're so that's cool. Yeah. That's actually a great compliment, right? Yeah. No, I was like, yeah, I do it all. Yeah.

Quincy: 8:25

I'll cook for you. I will build you the table. They offer I'll interior

Keala: 8:29

decorate and um, I will also like build you stuff. So you're hang your curtains.

Quincy: 8:36

Yeah, there you go. Oh, that's the worst. I'm so bad at that. I'm so bad at that. Nah, it's not that hard. I can teach you power tools are fun. Well, no, I love the power tool part, but then I'm like running into like the metal studs and Oh, you know, things like that. Oh, you gotta get a

Keala: 8:48

stud finder. I just go,

Quincy: 8:51

you're so funny. I wish you guys could see that on camera. Um, so anyway, point it at

Keala: 8:56

yourself and the thing goes crazy.

Quincy: 8:59

So much of your car career has been about carving space where none existed. When did you realize you weren't just trying to win, you were trying to actually disrupt?

Keala: 9:08

I think like, because I was, all my friends were boys and all the guys I surfed with were, were guys like, I didn't want to like surf good for a girl. Like I didn't see it like that. I just wanted to be. Like the best surfer I could be. So I wasn't, I was comparing myself with, with the boys or just like whoever was the best. So, um, yeah. And then I really wanted the boys respect'cause they like, let me hang out with them, but like, begrudgingly so know it was like a boys club, but like they, I really, I, I just would hang out with them kind of against their wishes. So, so they kind of just like tolerated me, like hanging out with them and they were, they were tough on me'cause I was a girl, you know, it was always like,

Quincy: 10:05

do you think sometimes they like almost tempted your death because they wanted to like, get rid of you? Oh,

Keala: 10:11

a hundred percent. Like we still laugh about it, like Bruce irons, like we, I remember going to this spot called Heroines with him, where it was like, just like breaks, like right on dry reef. Is

Quincy: 10:22

that in

Keala: 10:23

Kauai? Yeah. Okay. And. The boys would just like call me into waves that they knew I was gonna get absolutely smashed. Like close outs and just like, not makeable waves, but like, if they called you in and you pulled back, you were gonna get so like, harassed for it. Yeah. You know? So it was just like you had to go. And Bruce says, he had called me into this wave that was like, just like so dangerous. And, uh, I, I think I took it like wiped out. I didn't get hurt, but I patted back out and I, I said to him, are you trying to kill me? Like that, that still stuck with him all these years later. We still laugh about that. Oh my God. Yeah.

Quincy: 11:05

So how did you, how did you decide that it was worth it then? Like you were just so intent on, on showing them that you were as good or better than that They were. Well, it was

Keala: 11:16

just like, I, it's just like that was, I, that's what I wanted to be. Mm-hmm. Like when I found, I did all the stuff with the boys like. Skateboard and BMX basketball, soccer. But then when I found surfing, it was just like, this is it, and I want to be the best at this. Mm-hmm. You know? And um, and I think I really wanted their love and acceptance and respect. Like, I just wanted the boys to like, love me and accept me. And I noticed like, to get their respect, like the, like the harder I charge, like the bigger gnarlier waves you took off on that. Got you. Respect.

Speaker 4: 11:55

Yeah.

Keala: 11:55

So then I was like very drawn to like pushing, pushing my limits, you know? And like so many people would tell me like, oh, you can't, you know, you can't ride these kind of waves'cause you're a girl. And that like really pissed me off. Mm-hmm. And made me wanted to do it that much more. Yeah. You know, to prove them wrong. So I think that's kind of how it started.

Quincy: 12:16

Did you find yourself like having crushes on them or did you. You were gay, so, okay. What did that look like?

Keala: 12:23

So like, when I was little, like little, little, like kindergarten, I used to, um, chase the old, like the like girls that were in like, you know, fourth and fifth grade, like older than me girls that I thought were pretty, I used to chase them around the, the playground and try and kiss them.

Speaker 3: 12:44

So cute.

Keala: 12:45

And then I got busted for that. I was getting busted in school for all kinds of like, everything, gay stuff. Oh my God. For gay stuff. Yeah. I was getting busted. You got in trouble for gay stuff back then. And like, I got super shamed about it and I was like, I didn't understand. And I was just like, oh, okay. Like this is not socially acceptable. I can't do this. So then I was like, oh, I'm supposed to like boys. Okay, I'll try. And like, the only boy I really truly liked was Andy Irons, but he was like the best surfer and you know. Went on to be one of the best surfers in the world and three time world champion. He was just like an icon. But like I knew back then, like he was a big deal.

Speaker 3: 13:28

Yeah.

Keala: 13:28

And so I like idolized him and I just, I wanted his love more than anybody.'cause he was like the best, you know? Yeah. Um, and I just thought he was so cool. So like, I, I had a crush on him, but it was like confusing I think because it was like, do do I wanna be him? Do I wanna be with him or is it because I wanna be him? Mm. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. I mean, but all through, like, I had crushes on all my friends that were girls, all my close girlfriends. Mm-hmm. I just didn't accept that. Mm-hmm. You know, I, I would tell myself like, no, you just really like them. Like you're just really good friends. But I would get like weird little feelings towards them and just kind of push'em down. Like, nope, that's not acceptable. Yeah. You know? So when did you like actually have your first girl? Friend, so I ne I never date anybody all through high school. Boys didn't like me. Like, you know, I went from being friends with boys and like finally accepted into their boys club, like in elementary school

Speaker 3: 14:34

mm-hmm.

Keala: 14:34

To then like, we got in like middle school and high school, and that's when boys started liking girls and then I wasn't allowed to hang out with them anymore. They kind of just like pushed, they were like, you can't hang out with us anymore. Like, you're not one of the boys. And like, you know, and then they, they didn't find me attractive at all because they just looked at me as like a bro. Yeah. So, so it was like, I wasn't one of the boys. And then I tried to go hang out with the girls, but I just felt really outta place hanging out with girls. I was just in this weird, like, middle no man's land of like, well, I'm not, I'm not a boy and I don't feel like I'm one of the girls. So I just, I was very lonely Yeah. In high school. Um, and, and very uh. Sad that the boys didn't find me like attractive at all. Like they date all my friends and I was just like, so I thought I was ugly. I thought I was like really ugly. I had like very low self-esteem. No. Yeah. Yeah.

Quincy: 15:29

Oh God, that

Keala: 15:30

sucks.

Quincy: 15:31

So did you like bury yourself in surfing more or Yeah, just,

Keala: 15:36

yeah, just focus, just focused on surfing fo I got outta high school early, just didn't want to be there. Mm-hmm. Took, took correspondence classes to, I graduated a year early.

Speaker 4: 15:47

Oh good.

Keala: 15:47

Yeah. And I got outta there and I got on tour. But tour, you know, I had already heard the cautionary tales about the, the pro tour. Mm-hmm. That like if you were a lesbian or like they thought you were a lesbian, like it was terrible really. And like you weren't gonna get sponsored. Like it was gonna be really, really bad for you. So I was already just like terrified and I felt like you were kind of like immediately put under a microscope. When you got on tour,'cause they were like trying to figure out if you were gay or not,

Speaker 3: 16:20

you know, know what,

Keala: 16:21

yes. And especially like the male athletes, like, because it was kind of a way to like diminish your talent because if they could call you a, a lesbian mm-hmm. That was like, like it just, uh, negated your talent because oh well you're just, you're not feminine. You're like, you, you're trying to be like a guy. So like your talent is not as like worthwhile.

Quincy: 16:46

Wow. Yeah. So like how did you have to act or perform? Oh, so

Keala: 16:50

like when I got on tour and like my, you know, my parents, like my dad put a lot of pressure on me to like be more feminine. Like, this is the image you have to be to get sponsors. So I was really like trying to pretend to be like this more feminine. I had long hair, you know, and I try, I. I was just not being my true self. Mm-hmm.'cause I was playing this game. I wanted to, I wanted to benefit from straight privilege.

Speaker 4: 17:18

Yeah.

Keala: 17:19

Right. You know? And I felt like this is the only way I can have a successful career. I have to live this like, double life. I have to like, be not authentically me.

Quincy: 17:26

Yeah.

Keala: 17:27

Um, and so I, I like immediately got a boyfriend when I got on tour who was like a overweight, like Mexican gang bang or terrible person from la but he was the first guy that like, showed me any kind of attention like that. Yeah. Because like, like I said, I had like, the word, I thought I was ugly. I had like the lowest self-esteem. Boys didn't like me. I just thought I was hideous. So like, the first guy that like showed me any kind of like, interest. Yeah. I was just like, oh, this is like all I can, this is all I can get. Like, yeah. Oh my god. And

Quincy: 18:00

you're gonna be my beard at the same time. Yeah.

Keala: 18:02

So he was, yeah, he was, I kind of had a beard,

Quincy: 18:05

which is good. Did you know, did you like tell, tell him.

Keala: 18:08

No, no, no. I think that I actually like had feelings for him because, uh, I think that I just really needed somebody to like, love me and get, I needed that attention. I'd never had it before and I like, was really hungry for it. And my parents had just gotten divorced, uh, and my mom like, had left and my dad had gotten like really distant. Mm-hmm. Like from the divorce. So I just, I just needed somebody to love me.

Quincy: 18:33

Yeah. You know? Yeah, totally.

Keala: 18:35

So I think I had genuine feelings for him, but um, when I got with my first girl, it was just like completely different. Yeah. You know, like your socks though. Yeah, it was

Quincy: 18:46

like real. So did you have to keep it really quiet? Like, what year are we talking about that you got your first, this is like late nineties,

Keala: 18:52

early, like late nineties. Early two thousands. Yeah. It was so frowned upon to be a lesbian on tour. That is so insane. Yeah. Like I saw the way, like the industry. The other athletes, especially the male athletes and like the, the actual like association that ran the tour. Um, it's called WSL now, but it was the a SP Association of Surfing Professionals back then. And it was just so frowned upon to be like masculine, to be a lesbian. Like they would actively try and like get rid of you. Like they wanted you off to wear, they wanted feminine, kind of just like a cookie cutter image of like that blonde California surfer babe. Mm-hmm. It's like they expected you to look like a model but then surf like a guy, dude. You know what I mean? It was just like an oxymoron.

Quincy: 19:48

Totally. Yeah. Totally. So then did you become the first outed

Keala: 19:52

lesbian surfer? So I had stayed in the closet for a very long time. A very long time. I, I was with a, i, I had the boyfriend for like a couple years, which like. Made me feel like I wasn't being actively watched. Mm-hmm. You know, I'd bring him to contests. So like, people knew, I was like, with this guy. Okay. So they, I felt like they stopped, the witch hunt stopped, you know? Mm-hmm. Which was good. Uh, but then he got abusive and like, no, we, I was like, I was living in la I was living in Long Beach, and I just felt like a prisoner. Like he was so obsessive and like, wouldn't let me drive, like, wouldn't let me have friends. Like he was really psycho. Wow. And then I went back to visit my family, and then I met this girl, uh, who had moved from LA and was living in Kauai. And she, I met her surfing. We were out in the water and she just like kept smiling at me and I was just like, she's pretty. And I was just like, oh. And then we started talking and then I invited her over. I was having like a barbecue. I remember just like being really drawn to her the whole time. Mm-hmm. And like, we decided to like hang out and surf the next day. And at, like, remember we were hanging out a few days later and talking, and she was like, oh yeah, you know, I, I feel like kissed a girl before. And I was like, Ew, gross. Do you wanna spend the night? Oh, so lesbian, like disassociating, but also just like, um, kinda wanna do that. You wanna sleep over? And so she slept over and I remember like, she like grabbed my hand and like put it on her body and I would just like, like, yeah. I think I creamed on my pants. Oh my God. How old were you at this point? I was like, 19. Okay. You know? Yeah. Um, so then I like immediately broke up with a boyfriend and like, wanted to make this girl my girlfriend, but she had a, she had a boyfriend. Mm-hmm. So we were just like best friends. You know, we'd hook up sometimes, but I was like obsessed with her, like, wow. She was my first girl. Yeah. So like, yeah, I was just like crazy in love with her and just, she broke up with her boyfriend. I'm like, oh my God, I know we could be together. And then yeah, then she'd get another boyfriend and I'd be absolutely devastated. And it went on like this for a very long time. But, um, when I, when she started hanging out a bit more and, and with some of my surf buddies that were on tour, they kind of started getting like suspicious. Mm. And then I felt like I was under a microscope again.

Speaker 4: 22:28

Oh, wow.

Keala: 22:29

Yeah.

Speaker 4: 22:29

Wow.

Keala: 22:30

And then I just had to live this double life, like on tour, I had to like, pretend to be straight. And, uh, but then as soon as I would get off tour and have a break, I would immediately fly to wherever she was at. And we were like in a very party phase. Uhhuh, you know?

Speaker 3: 22:47

Yep, yep. Twenties.

Keala: 22:49

So I would fly, fly to, like, we'd meet up in New York or Miami for what? A music conference. Just like, party my ass off, do a lot of drugs. I think the drug use was also like self-medication because I just wanted to like forget all the pressures of the tour and like having to live that inauthentic double life. Mm-hmm. You know? So it's like I go to these big cities where I was anonymous. Yeah. And I could just be free. Right. You know? Right. So

Quincy: 23:17

when you were on tour, were you like picking up vibes from any of the other girls that were surfing? I've never been

Keala: 23:22

attracted to surfer girls. Oh, okay. Yeah. I've always been attracted to the opposite of surfer girls. Mm-hmm. Like always like brunettes, like always brunettes. Always brunettes. I don't think

Quincy: 23:33

you've ever dated to anyone that wasn't a brunette.

Keala: 23:35

Yeah. Brunettes, like ethno vague, like exotic features. Right. Yeah. I, I definitely had a type. Yeah. Latin girl. I was, Latin girls are kryptonite.

Quincy: 23:46

Right. Oh my God, that's so funny. So. When you went on tour, that first tour, were they paying for you to fly to all these places? Oh, no. This

Keala: 23:54

was, you are self-funded and initially I didn't have many sponsors and then I finally got some sponsors. That was the other thing. You had to have a certain look and play the role to maintain your sponsorships. And I remember, uh, early on in one of my, I'd only been sponsored for like a year or two, but I was killing it on tour. Like they had just added PU to the schedule. Oh, wow. And they didn't think women could surf pu. And then I went out there and just smashed it. And like, people were just like kind of mind blown. And so then Surfer Magazine wanted to do like an article about me and they were gonna gimme like six or seven pages in their magazine. Wow. Like an expose. And that's unheard of, like, wow. If you saw a, a chick in. The men's surfing magazines, they were shot on the beach from behind with a GSR up their ass. Mm-hmm. Like they were reef, you'd see reef models and you rarely ever see an actual athlete, you know, surfing an actual wave.

Speaker 4: 25:02

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 25:03

So this was like a big deal. Wow. And, uh, a guy came here to Oahu to do the article and like I took him out. He, you know, watched me DJ and like, you know, I kind of let him into my life, but I, I kept him a distance from my personal life with him.'cause I didn't want, I didn't want anybody to know I was, you know, a lesbian.'cause that was gonna be like career suicide. Mm-hmm. So, like, you know, I would talk a lot about my best friend who was the girl. Mm-hmm. Who I was damn motorcycles and why. Right. Yeah. Who I was hooking up with. Mm-hmm. At the time. Um, but, but we lived together and so like, you know, she was a part of my life, so I talked about her like, you know, this is my best friend, you know, she, she made a woman outta me.'cause she taught me how to put on makeup and, you know, and so when the article came out, there was big sensational headlines. Like it took a woman to finally make a woman out of me. Like very suggestive. Like the whole tone was like that I was a lesbian. It basically like outed me out. Did you? Yeah. Wow. And like, the backlash was so intense and I then, it was like everybody was questioning it. If I was a lesbian, my sponsors were questioning it and I had to straight up fucking lie to everybody. Oh. Which felt horrible.'cause I'm a very honest person. I'm a very genuine person. So then my life just became this big lie. Wow. Yeah. And I think that's why I started partying so much. Yeah. Because I was just living this lie. Uh, and it felt. Just like soul crushing all, like, it was just eroding my soul to live this lie all the time. Uh, but I got, I was still sponsored. Yeah. And I still got to like, pursue my dream. Right. So it was like the trade off. Yeah.

Quincy: 27:03

And then, so when you were, when you would like paddle out and you would get ready to catch a wave or any of those things like going through your head or were you able to like totally compartmentalize so that you could crush it?

Keala: 27:15

I would try to compartmentalize in, in heats, but just, you know, I, you're, when you're out there in the water competing it's, you know, 20, 30 minutes, then you gotta come back on the beach and be amongst all the other athletes and live that lie again. So it was like, I would, and he try to focus, but it was always there in the background. Yeah.

Quincy: 27:37

So how so other than like. Going, using drugs and things like that. How else do you think that you were able to cope and get through it? And then when you came out on the other side and you were fully embracing that you were a lesbian and being in, you know, public photos with them and things like that, when do you think that like flipped?

Keala: 27:55

So after the first girl I was with, who was my best friend, who I was like obsessed with and so in love with, I met, um, I ended up hooking up with another athlete, but like from a different sport. Mm-hmm. Um, she was Latin and uh, but she was also in the closet. Completely in the closet. And I think I was like her first girl or maybe she kissed a girl before me, but like she was having to live that same life of a hundred percent in the closet. Kind of let my sponsors know. And we were together for like years. And I started to get more comfortable with the idea of like, at least letting my close people know, like, I want to tell my brother, like I want to tell some of my closest friends. And she just didn't want to tell anyone.

Speaker 4: 28:47

Wow. You know, and

Keala: 28:47

I was like, I, I, I felt the need to start opening up and coming out.

Speaker 3: 28:52

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 28:53

Um, and she just was not willing to do that. So that relationship ended. And then I got with a girlfriend who was a very out lesbian, like she was out and proud. Mm-hmm. And so that kind of helped, you know, helped me feel like I could do it.

Speaker 4: 29:14

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 29:15

And so I finally decided like, I'm gonna bring her on tour. She's gonna come to France with me. We're gonna stay at in

Quincy: 29:23

buried or where was. That,

Keala: 29:25

uh, egal, I think. Mm. And yeah, we were gonna stay in a house with a bunch of my other female athlete friends on tour. We'd do that a lot, like share places.'cause none of us had the money to get our own place. Right. It was always like, okay, we're all going in on the place, you know, which was fun. Yeah. It was like totally dorm style. Yeah. Yeah. It was fun. Uh, but like, they didn't know, you know, and so I, you know, told them before we went, like, I'm, I'm bringing, I'm bringing my, my, I'm bringing my girlfriend with me. Like I'm with this girl and I'm bringing her with me. That's so cool. So, uh, I brought her and, you know, everybody was kind of like, whoa. And I'll never forget, like the first night, the first night we were there, you know, it's such a long flight from Hawaii and we're also jet lagged. So like, the trick is you have to stay awake. Like, you know, you get there in the afternoon and like you're just dying to like crawl into bed and go to sleep. But if you do that. You will never, your clock will never be right for the entire trip. So you have, you have to force yourself to stay awake. So we went out to the bars and we like partied, and we came home and um, we went to bed. And then I woke up in the middle of the night to like this, like this noise like woke me up and it was my girlfriend and she was walk. She kept walking into the closet in our room and I was just like, babe, like, what are you doing? And she's like, I'm trying to find the bathroom. And I was like, oh, okay. So I like let her, you know, I was like, just like half asleep. So I was like, oh, you know, I led her to the door that led out of our room and then I went, I laid back in bed and then I like jumped up and I was like, oh fuck. Because the bathroom I realized was like down the hall and you had to make a left like it was not easy to find. But the door right next to our room. Was my friend Megan Bubo, who was like very homophobic and was already having a hard time like dealing with the situation. And I think my girlfriend like slept naked. And so she, like, I immediately knew she was going to go the first door and Megan and she, she was crawling into bed with Megan like, babe, babe, like I can't find it. Like, oh my god. And Megan like jumped out of bed and like ran into the hallway and was like freaking out. And I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. No, no, no. She's trying to find the bathroom and like, Megan go back in your room like, here babe, let me show you where the bathroom is. So it's this whole like situation that happened in the middle of the night and then the next morning, like we came out to have breakfast and Meg was there like eating cereal or something and I was just like, oh God, like it's gonna be so awkward. And so like we just like got breakfast and she just sat there and acted like that never happened. Like just like. Oh my God. Just like, hi, good morning. Like, no, didn't bring it up. Like just, but then, uh, yeah, then when we went, like the event started and you know, we're competing now and like there with all the other athletes and the male athletes and the industry, like word. It got around that. Oh, Kala's like got a girlfriend. Like, oh, that girl, that's her girlfriend. And it was just like frenzy, frenzy and just negative and like, like high school rumor, mean girl stuff. It was awful. Sucks. Sucks.

Quincy: 32:50

Do you still talk to her?

Keala: 32:52

Oh, Megan, we're super good friends now. Yeah. Yeah. She actually, uh, is with women now.

Quincy: 33:00

I was having a feeling you were gonna tell me that. Yeah. So classy. A lot

Keala: 33:04

of like, yeah, there was a lot of people on tour that were just very homophobic and, you know. Uh, I felt excommunicated from my friend group on tour.'cause when I first got on tour, I was very friendly with a lot of the other athletes, uh, when I had the boyfriend and they thought I was straight. And then when they started suspecting that I liked girls and they would see me bring my best friend around who I was hooking up with, like they could kind of

Speaker 3: 33:28

mm-hmm.

Keala: 33:29

Sense there was something going on there and they kind of like, really like, pushed me outta their clique. Mm. So then I felt, it felt like high school all over again where it was just like, oh, I can't hang out with the guys and I can't hang out with the girls. Here I am on my lonely little island again.

Quincy: 33:45

It was, it was almost like they were forcing you to be a couple with somebody anyway, because that was the only person you could trust. Yeah. The person that kept you company that you could talk to. Mm-hmm. You know, things like that, that you could eat meals with. Yeah. And not feel like Totally. I think that's why,

Keala: 34:00

uh, developed an anxious, preoccupied personality.

Quincy: 34:06

Because everyone's watching me, looking at me studying me. No. Like

Keala: 34:08

where You're very clingy. Oh yeah. It's a personality type where you're have a massive fear of abandonment and are very clingy with your significant other'cause you're scared they're gonna leave and you're gonna be alone.

Quincy: 34:21

How do you feel about it now? Like you've worked through it or you feel like it still sits there? Sometimes?

Keala: 34:27

I had to do a lot of work. Yeah. I had to do a lot of work on myself. I learned a lot about, um, attachment styles and how they're formed and how to catch yourself in your patterns of being triggered. And, uh, I did a lot of work on myself and I think that's why I'm finally in like such a healthy relationship and marriage now. Mm-hmm. Because I, I had to do a lot of work on myself

Quincy: 34:52

Yeah.

Keala: 34:53

Yeah. To get over all that.

Quincy: 34:54

And she's so lucky because she got the best version she did and she did

Keala: 34:58

a lot of work on herself prior to, like, right before we got together. So it was like we were two healed, PE healed or people, you know. Maybe you're never completely healed, but like two people that have been on a healing journey, like coming together. Yeah. So it was good because I feel like I attracted to so many chaotic relationships when I wasn't healed. And, um, I'm also bipolar and was undiagnosed that whole time. Wow. So you can imagine like how bad that whole situation on tour was. Yeah. For like my bipolar stuff. Scary. Scary. It was scary. Scary. I had a lot of like suicidal ideation when I was on tour, like a lot. Oh my gosh. Because like you'd have these like extreme hives where I'd like, you know, win a championship. Yeah. And like, you know, like break glass ceilings and make history like tow in, like doing things women had never done. Getting all these accolades. And then, and then just like these extreme lows of like losing,'cause like so much of my self-worth was tied to my results, you know, because like I said, I had like very low self-esteem, very low self-worth. And I thought like the only. The thing that's lovable about me is I'm a winner. Like if I'm not a winner, like people won't love me. Oh wow. Yeah. So like, that's crushing. Yeah, so like I, I was just like such a emotional rollercoaster all the time, which is like extreme highs and lows and like with bipolar, like you already have super extreme highs and lows, so it was just like, had to be such an unhealthy Oh my god. Chaotic.

Quincy: 36:28

Well, I'm glad you never offed yourself. Ah, because we would be so lost. Just like without you on this planet. That would suck. And your family, especially your brother, you know? Especially

Keala: 36:40

my brother. Yeah. My brother are, me and my brother, like best friends. He was one of the first people I came out to and, um, my parents didn't take it well, so like, it was so great to have one family, at least one family member that was like so supportive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

Quincy: 37:00

he's a great guy. I love

Keala: 37:01

him. He's the best.

Quincy: 37:04

All right. So I want to ask, how did hiding become heavier than the risk of being fully seen?

Keala: 37:12

I think that, like I just said, that, that the suicidal ideation mm-hmm. Started to get like more and more often. Um, and it just became like, this is this living, like this is gonna kill me. You know?

Quincy: 37:31

So when you guys left France and Oh. So when we left

Keala: 37:34

France, like, well, now at that point I was out.

Quincy: 37:38

Right.

Keala: 37:39

You know, uh, so there was no, no putting the cat back in the bag. Mm-hmm. And uh, like tour was just so awful for me. After that, it was just like every thing I feared as far as like how people treat me, uh, and I was kind of just like. Getting over it. I came really with inches of winning the world title, which was my dream. And it just kinda like fell through my fingertips like at the last moment. And that was very crushing for me. And then I kind of like that, kind of like killed my fire. Mm. Um, and then they had announced that they were starting to take away some of the events on tour that I really like specialized in. So like was the first one to go. And then they said they were gonna take away Fiji. These were the events I would win. Oh my God. And then why were they taking away? They were expensive. Oh. Like the economy is starting to tank. Yeah. Um, it was like 2006 two right before the housing bubble burst. Yeah. So I was just like, there's nothing for me on this tour anymore. Like, I relied on those events to win the world. Title, at least be like in the top.

Speaker 4: 38:58

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 38:59

Because the other small wave events, like I do terrible, like, like I needed those events to, to be a winner. Mm-hmm. Uh, so when they started taking those away, which is like, well, I'm never gonna win a world title surfing small, crappy waves. Yeah. Uh, and the tour feels worse than ever. Yeah.'cause I'm out now and the way I'm being treated, so I just like really kind of wanted to leave.

Speaker 4: 39:28

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 39:29

But like, you, you know, this is my, this how I make a living and I have a high school diploma, no college degree. Like, what am I gonna like That there's this huge fear for athletes when your time is over.

Speaker 4: 39:42

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 39:44

What am I gonna do? Because you go from like being a, getting paid to do what you love, you know, and getting, getting paid. I got paid pretty well for a co a few years when I was. Pretending to be straight.

Speaker 4: 39:55

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 39:56

Um, and so to walk away from that and like kind of walk away, abandon your dreams and everything, it was just too scary. And then something happened, um, I got approached by HBO to come do some consulting on a, they were gonna be doing a, a TV series that involved surfing. And because I had done Blue Crush mm-hmm. And one of the producers, uh, on the show was at, had actually tried to do my documentary at one point. So she called me and was like, Hey, you know, I'm doing this. I'm not doing documentaries anymore of, of actually doing this show for HBO. Would you be interested in coming? We'll fly to la come to lunch with the creators and like, they wanna pick your brain and, you know, have you consult on this, uh, show. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I, I'll, I'll come to LA just to, you know, see you. It's been a lot of years. So I went to this lunch with, uh, David Milch, who was like, you know, the creative like Deadwood and mm-hmm. You know, all these like execs and, uh, Christian Fletcher was there'cause he was like consulting on it. And, and, um, the, the premise was kind of ba loosely based on his, his family, his dysfunctional surf crazy family from the nineties. Um, and after that lunch, the creator like, walked me out to my car and he was just like, I wanna make you a character on this show. And I was like, ah, because I've had a lot of Hollywood people blow a lot of smoke. Yeah. So I just take that with like a grain of salt. Like, oh, that's very nice. And he's like, no, I'm serious. And like, he handed me a wad of cash. Like, oh no, I'm serious. Oh, wow. And I was just like, this is so freaking weird. Yeah. And he was like handing me cash in a parking lot. And I'm like, look dude, I'm not gonna like, do anything.

Quincy: 41:52

Yeah, exactly.

Keala: 41:53

This is not, you know, I'm Weinstein, it's not a Weinstein moment. Like, I don't care. I don't wanna be on the show. Um, and then months went by, you know, didn't forgot about it, didn't hear anything, then didn't expect to hear anything. And then all of a sudden my agent at the time calls me up and he is like, uh, HBO just sent over this contract for you to be a season regular on a TV series. And I was just like, what? Wow. And so I was just like, okay, I feel like the universe is telling, you know, like I've been asking, I've been wanting to get away from this toxic tour that I'm on, but I don't know how. Mm-hmm. And I'm too scared to like jump off into the abyss without any kind of a plan. And I just felt like the universe just presented me here is the thing. You need to like, here's your direction now. Like, go over here.

Speaker 4: 42:46

Wow. Yeah. Wow. Like you're, I

Keala: 42:47

feel like the universe has always done that for me. Like it's always guided me. Like it's always, if I listen and just like, follow what it throws out, it usually does not steer me wrong. That is so cool.

Quincy: 43:00

So you ended up moving to LA or did they film here?

Keala: 43:03

I moved, no, I moved to la. Mm-hmm. Um, I rented a loft downtown. I just wanted to be like, away from surfing completely.

Quincy: 43:11

So you're like, I'm not

Keala: 43:12

living in Santa Monica. Yeah. I, I was gonna live in like, Venice or, you know, by the beach and, and then I was just like, you know what? I just, I wanna do something different. Like, I, I don't even wanna be reminded of that world right now. And also, like downtown LA I heard it was very like up and coming and I was tables over here. My dad is in real estate and I've like had that real estate background my whole life. So I was like, Hmm, maybe I could, I love

Speaker 3: 43:33

one of those followers. Maybe

Keala: 43:35

I could like. Invest down here and like, you know, when this place blows up mm-hmm. You know, make some money on real estate. So I was kind of, let me live down here and see what this is about. Yeah, yeah. And I think I even had a deposit, uh, on a loft. And then the show got canceled after the first season, and then right when the show got canceled, the housing bubble burst. Oh

Speaker 4: 43:58

gosh.

Keala: 43:59

And that also coincided with all my sponsor contracts being up for renegotiation. It was like the perfect storm. Yeah. Because I was still sponsored when I was doing the show, which is, which was great because like I, you know, I'm on a TV series, so it was like beneficial to them. Like, oh, she's on this TV series, sometimes I'm getting product placement. There's like, you know, millions of viewers. So, so my sponsors were, were still stoked on me, even though I'd quit the tour, everybody couldn't believe I quit the tour

Quincy: 44:26

really? Because I

Keala: 44:27

was requalified for the next year. And it was just like, I was like, nah, I'm gonna give up my spot. And everybody was just like, what? You're gonna what? Yeah. And um, yeah, so all my contracts were expiring and at this point I was out of the closet. And so three out of four my sponsors dropped me. Like I was sponsored by Converse Red Bull. I had a sunglass sponsor, I had a watch sponsor. Then I had Billabong, which is my clothing sponsor, my main sponsor. They actually kept me, but they cut my salary in half. Like Really? Yeah. So I went from like making like good money and then I was also making TV show money. Yeah. Like, I was just like, that was the pinnacle of like my fi financial stability. Mm-hmm. You know? Uh, and then it all completely fell apart, like within like a three week span. Wow. Yeah.

Quincy: 45:25

So what did you do, especially knowing your bipolar, right. I didn't know I was up in, oh, you still didn't know that.

Keala: 45:32

Mm-hmm.

Quincy: 45:33

Wow. When did you find that out then? Like at what point?

Keala: 45:38

Way later, 2017. Oh, wow. This is like 20 2007, 2008. Wow. So almost a decade, decade later. I was living with that. Um, wow. I, yeah, I didn't know what to do at that point. Obviously I wasn't gonna stay living in downtown la Yeah. I was like, I gotta get back to Hawaii. I gotta get back to the ocean. Uh, and at that point I really didn't know what I was gonna do, and I, I thought about going back on the tour and I just look at the schedule and like, it looked terrible. And, and I just, like, I didn't really wanna do it. Mm-hmm. I wanted to do something else, but I wanted to do something in surfing. And I, at the time, like there was all these guys that were professional free surfers. Mm-hmm. So they were getting paid, they weren't competing. Their sponsors were paying for them to fly to like the best waves in the world and, and with photographers and get shots for the magazine, like beautiful shots for the magazine. And I was like, I wanna do that. Mm-hmm. There's not enough single female doing that and I wanna be, that. I wanna do, I wanna surf the best waves. Yeah. I don't wanna surf these crappy waves and contests. Like I wanna do that. Yeah. Like the David Ros and stuff for Wow. Yeah. Doing this lifestyle free surf free surfer thing. And so I talked to my last remaining sponsor and said like, this is what I want to do. And they said, okay, well we will continue sponsoring. They cut my salary in half, but we'll continue sponsoring you, uh, as long as you get the coverage in the magazines. You know, which was incredibly hard as a female, uh, already. So I would go to these places that all these guys were going to. Um, but they had all the relationships with the photographers and like, you know, everything was like very organized for them. And I was just kind of winging it and like hoping the photographers would take pictures of me and hoping I could get some coverage in the magazines. Mm-hmm. And like, so it was hard and I wasn't really getting the coverage.

Speaker 4: 47:40

Yeah.

Keala: 47:40

And then I went to, I chased a big swell to Porto Escondido and Coco Nogales, my friend Coco Nogales. I had brought some surfboards from LA down to him that, that, uh, he needed.

Speaker 4: 47:57

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 47:58

So he kind of owed me a favor, so I was like, I want to go toe into like, I wanna get a big one, you know?

Speaker 4: 48:05

Yeah.

Keala: 48:05

So he towed me into this like, massive, I got a huge barrel and another just like huge closeout. But like, the photograph was just like, wow. Like you'd never seen a woman on a wave like. You know, and it got a double page spread in the big issue of Surfer Magazine, which was like a huge deal. Yeah. So like, okay, I got the coverage. Awesome. And then the next year, even though I'd gotten incredible coverage, Billabong, cut my salary in half again. What the hell? Yeah. And then, um, yeah. And then I just like was doing like crazy toe and stuff after that. I, I, I noticed like that got the coverage. Mm-hmm. And I also like, really loved it. Like, it was such a rush. I was like, okay, this is what I want to do. Mm-hmm. And this is how I'm gonna, but I, I kept getting my salary cut even though I was like killing it. And then I went um, and you didn't have like an agent that could No, I had an agent and he was trying, but everybody was just like, I was a lesbian. Shit. I'm not, I was not marketable. Is the, the excuse they gave. And even Billabong, every time they cut my salary, it was like, oh, you know, sorry, we don't have budget for you. Um, and it's like, what do you mean you're paying those models that don't surf? Like, you know, six figures. Wow. And they're like, yeah, but you know, you're, you're just not marketable. And that was code for like, you're like in your thirties and you're a lesbian. Oh. But they can't say, they can't say that. Right. You know? But we know

Quincy: 49:39

that's what they were doing. But that's, that's

Keala: 49:40

what that, that that was code for, you know, and I had like short hair at that point. Yeah. Like, I was just not, I was the opposite of the image they were trying to portray. Yeah. So

Quincy: 49:52

did it ever, like, at that time, did you think about like, get suing them or for harassing? I don't even

Keala: 50:00

think that was a thing back then. You know, being a, being a gay person was still like very frowned upon. So it was just. Like

Quincy: 50:12

this was

Keala: 50:12

2010. I don't even think I could have like sued for like defamation and stuff like that. Yeah. Because they didn't outright say like, we're cutting your salary'cause you're a lesbian. It was, you're just not marketable. And I'm like, what do you mean? I'm going out there and like ki like there's no other female doing this stuff in the sport that I'm doing. How is that not marketable? I feel like a Nike would be like, just do it. You know?

Speaker 3: 50:36

Yeah,

Keala: 50:36

yeah. But like you mainstream sponsors like Nike just wouldn't sponsor surfers'cause they don't have like the primetime kind of coverage that the other sports did. It was more of a niche sport, so couldn't get any kind of mainstream sponsors. Uh, and then the industry sponsors wouldn't touch me with a 10 foot pole'cause I was a lesbian and like a tomboy, like just didn't have that feminine look. Yeah. So do you have sponsors now? No. God no. I haven't had sponsors ear. Really? Um, no. And so I billabong just kept cutting my salary every year no matter, no matter how many groundbreaking things I was doing. Mm-hmm. And then I remember Mike's salary had gotten cut so far down that I wasn't even getting paid cash, any, like, a salary anymore. It was a travel reimbursement.

Speaker 3: 51:34

Oh.

Keala: 51:34

So I would have to front the money

Speaker 3: 51:37

Wow. To

Keala: 51:37

fly to wherever, pay for all of my equipment to get there, pay for the accommodation, pay for everything. And then if I got a, what they considered, like a worthwhile shot that they could use for an ad or a shot that got magazine coverage, then they would reimburse me.

Quincy: 51:57

No way.

Keala: 51:57

Up to$3,000. Only per year.

Quincy: 52:00

Per year.

Keala: 52:01

Yes.

Quincy: 52:02

Dude. That's highway robbery.

Keala: 52:04

Yes. And it's crazy'cause from the outside everybody thought I was just killing it and making so much money. Yeah. You know?'cause I, I was out there just performing at this like level that nobody, and just doing these things in the sport that like no other woman was doing. And like, you would think that would be getting like huge financial rewards. Right. And it was just, that's what it looked like from the outside, but from the inside. Like I was broke. Yeah. And I was putting everything on credit cards. Like when I was chasing these swells and nobody was paying for it and I wasn't getting any salary, I was just running up credit cards.

Speaker 4: 52:43

Yeah.

Keala: 52:43

Because I was like, this is what I'm, I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I know this is my purpose. But it was self-funded and it was all on credit. Wow. So then I went to, uh, Titi self-funded,

Quincy: 52:58

which is so expensive. Oh my God. It

Keala: 52:59

was like a last minute. You know,'cause you kind of do like these strike missions where you're like, you're, you're look, you're checking the forecast and you're like tracking a swell and you don't really know until like, probably like the last 72 hours if it's the conditions and everything is gonna hold up.

Speaker 3: 53:17

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 53:18

And so, yeah, like last I remember it was like a last minute flight to Titi. It was like three grand. Oh my God. And then, you know, you gotta pay for, you know, your accommodation and everything. And like, I never had like access to like the jet skis and the boats and like all the stuff, like all the like sponsored athletes, the males, they had all that just like for them, you know? And it's funny'cause we had the same sponsor.

Speaker 3: 53:43

Yeah.

Keala: 53:44

Billabong, um, did that contest in Titi. So they had all of jet ski, like they had all the stuff, but they would never let me use it or let me, I think one time they had like some of their male athletes like. Told me into a wave, like, like after begging. But, but since I didn't have the resources, the men didn't, I didn't have the money to like, you know, hire a jet ski and a driver and all that. Like, I, I was like tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Wow. And so I would go and I would stay with my little Ian family and they had a kayak. And so no way I would take this kayak with my toe board and like a little backpack with some water and like, some little like food, some snacks. I wouldn't be starving all day. And I would pat, it's a long paddle. Everybody takes boats. I can imagine. Everybody takes boats. Yeah.'cause it's an outer reef. It's way out there. And I would paddle the kayak out to where the boats were in the channel and I would tie the kayak to, to a buoy with a surf le. And sometimes people in the boats were nice, like, Hey, do you wanna put, put your backpack on?

Speaker 3: 54:58

Yeah.

Keala: 54:59

On our boat. So like, but then I would just gear up with all my, my stuff and I would just sit in the channel by the buoy for hours. Wow. Hours, just begging anybody with a jet ski that any, anybody, any tow team that came by, like, please just like, gimme one, one chance, you know, pull one shot. So I did that like a few times, like over the years and, uh, it was always usually like a, like a local cohesion person that did it instead of like, you know, the male athletes or like guys that had the same sponsors as me, that, that should be

Speaker 3: 55:37

mm-hmm. You know,

Keala: 55:37

giving me that opportunity. It was usually, you know, like ramana's guys or you know, the mammals like Hawaiian guys. And, uh, I'll never forget I was out there. I had chased a swell. It was like three grand ticket, and I was sitting in the channel for hours and hours, like four hours sitting there. I think I was on my period too. So I had like a water log, tampon.

Speaker 3: 56:06

Oh shit.

Keala: 56:07

You know? Yeah. Gross. And I'm just sitting there and I'm watching the sun get lower in the sky, and I'm like, oh my God. Like I've spent so much money to get here for this swell. And it looked like I wasn't even gonna get to catch a single wave. And then Ramana came in to take a break and he was on a boat like having some water. And I was like, Ramana, please, please, please. Like, I was just begging. And he was like, he was tired, but he was like, I'm not gonna drive you, but you can use my guy. Like he'll take you. So he let me use his driver. And so I was like, oh my God, I'm going, yeah, I'm getting a chance. So I went out and we're out in the line. It, it kind of got a little bit windy, so a lot of people had cleared out. So I'm out there, you know, waiting for a wave. And in past years, the times that I had gotten to toe, it seemed like the guys would always take me on, like the more like smaller, medium sized ones. Mm-hmm.'cause they were kind of like scared, like she's a girl, like she can't handle it. And so this particular time I was like, listen, I don't want a small one. I want a big one.

Speaker 3: 57:11

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 57:12

Like, I wanna wait for like a sub, a substantial, legit bomb. Okay. Like, let's go. So he like actually tried to tow me into a smaller one and I didn't take it. I was like, no. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4: 57:24

And

Keala: 57:24

so we waited and we waited and then all of a sudden you just saw the horizon start standing up. My God. And I was like, okay, this, this is, this one's serious. Like this might be the one. And so I was just like, alright.

Speaker 3: 57:39

How big was

Keala: 57:39

it? Huge. One of the biggest players I've ever surfed in my life. And like with Chop, it's not even like. The height.'cause I've surfed waves that are taller, but it's just the girth. Mm. It's like the pound for pound. Mm-hmm. Mass.'cause they're so thick and so scary. You know, it's a slab. So it's just, so we start going into this wave and actually Manoa was like, I was deeper than Manoa. He was like a little further on the shoulder than me, and he was going for it. And, uh, at the la like, he saw me and like, he was like, okay, all right, I, I'll let her have it out. Yeah. So he pulled out. I was so thankful and I was really deep. And, uh, so I came into this wave. I had to kind of take it real straight on because it was like a divot in it that I had to get through. And I went really hard off the bottom and then had to like, kind of like overcorrect, so I didn't go. I pulled into the barrel and kind of kick, kick stalled into it so I didn't get too high and get hung up in the lip.

Speaker 4: 58:52

Mm-hmm.

Keala: 58:53

And then I just set my rail and was just standing in like the hugest freaking barrel I'd ever Wow. Stood in. Wow. And, uh, my line was freaking awesome and I thought I was coming outta the thing. And then the foam ball just exploded and took up the, the entire, there was nowhere to go. It just, I just got vaporized. And that happens when waves get to a certain size. It chokes. They just become unmakeable because, yeah. Um, yeah. I think Nathan Fletcher had won that. He won the XXL award, that the foam ball got him.'cause it, it's just, it's so big that they're, the foam ball's so big, it just feels the entire barrel and like there's no wait. You can. Stay standing. So, and I got beaten within an inch of my life. Oh my God. I mean, just, I thought I was gonna die. I got slammed down on the reef on my back and my helmet blew off. It, like, I got blasted so hard, my helmet just blew off my head and I was just like, pinned down on the reef on my back. Couldn't move. Just so much weight on me. Oh my god. So much mass just pushing down on me. And I was just pinned. I couldn't move. And, uh, I, I, I was running outta oxygen, thought I was gonna die. And then it finally like, kind of like let up for a second and I just kicked off the wreath and I got up and I just barely got a breath. And right then the next wave right on top of me blasted me, but it washed me in. Towards the lagoon Uhhuh. And then when I came up from that one, I was almost pretty much standing on dry reef at that point.

Speaker 3: 1:00:43

Wow.

Keala: 1:00:43

Yeah. And so, and then the third one came, oh God. And that one was like, I was far enough in that it would had already broken. It was like just whitewash. Mm-hmm. But I'm on dry reef at this point. Right. So like, I'm looking at this huge ball of whitewash coming at me. It's like, you know, twice my height. And I'm going like, okay, if I just stand here, it's gonna slam me body, slam me into the reef. So I ran at it and jumped up into it as, as high as I could get, hoping that like at least some water would fill in. Yeah. And that kind of worked, it slammed me, but I like, there was a little bit of water, so there was a little bit of a cushion and it slammed like the side of my body, my arm, I thought it broke my arm and my hand. Uh, and then it washed me in the lagoon and I was all right. And the jet ski came by. And pick me up. And I like move my arm. I'm like, okay, that's moving. That's not broken. But my surfboard was nowhere to be found. So then we were like blasting around the lagoon and I wanted to get another wave. I was just like, hi. Oh, I was so high on adrenaline, so

Speaker 3: 1:01:51

brave.

Keala: 1:01:51

And I was just like, no, I gotta get another one. I gotta, I gotta come outta this one. I can't let the foam ball get me like, aha.

Speaker 3: 1:01:58

You

Keala: 1:01:58

know? And we spent like 20 minutes trying to find my board, couldn't find it, finally found it and like, blasted out, back out. I was like disappointed that the foam ball had got me. Mm-hmm. So we blasted back out and the sun was like, already kind of setting and it was like the wind became, it was kind of too late. And we got out to the lineup and the entire, everybody and every boat was like standing ovations, hooting, screaming.

Speaker 3: 1:02:24

Wow.

Keala: 1:02:25

And I was just like, oh, okay. I thought it was a good ride. And then, uh, I think I pa I the jet ski. We, we motored up to like one of the boats where my friend, um, Brent Beman, a photographer, was on the boat. And I was like, ah. He was like, oh my God. And I was like, ah, you know, I, the phone ball got me. He goes, it doesn't even matter. And he goes, look at this. And he showed me, like on his camera. Mm-hmm. The, the LCD screen and the, it was like he, the wave was huge. Wow. Huge. And I was like, holy crap. I couldn't believe Yeah. Like how small it was on this huge wave. Yeah. And I was like, wow, this is like the heaviest thing I've ever done. This is the heaviest thing a woman's ever done. Wow. In this sport. And, uh, so, uh, you know, we called it a day and I went, went back to my house, and then that the photos of that wave, they like broke the internet. Wow. Amazing. And, uh. Even Kelly Slater posted the picture. Did he? And he said his caption was awesome. He said The stuff the guys are doing, like in big waves at places like chops is fricking crazy, but the craziest one of'em all is, is a chick.

Speaker 3: 1:03:48

Oh my God. Yeah.

Keala: 1:03:50

So I got in like the wave of, the wave of the day and, and, um, I got nominated for, for an XXL award, not the women's performance. Well, I got nominated for the Women's Performance Award, but I got nominated for like one of the men's awards. You know, like it was, that's incredible. Was technically open gender category. Mm-hmm. But no woman had ever been nominated for one of the big, the big awards. Mm-hmm. Those were like, considered like men's awards. And so it was like, oh my God, I got like nominated for this award. And then, uh. And then my contract was up for renegotiation again, and Billabong cut my travel fund and was just like, you know, we will, we'll just, how about we just gonna give you like free clothes? No. And I was just like,

Speaker 4: 1:04:38

no.

Keala: 1:04:39

I was just like, what? I don't understand. Like I am, I'm at the peak of like perform like I am breaking glass ceilings here. Yeah. And it's just not lining up with like what I'm being paid, like the financial, like this doesn't make any sense. Right. You know? And so, and that's why my self worth was just like so messed up.'cause it's just like, I don't understand, like, I'm like here Yeah. In what I'm doing, but I'm getting paid. Like my pay just keeps getting cut. Like no, I'm, I keep ascending.

Speaker 3: 1:05:15

Yeah.

Keala: 1:05:16

In my sport. And yet my. Like financial, like what people see my value. Like I, I perceived it as like my value, like my financial value is just won't stop going down. Mm-hmm. I, my performance keeps going up like through the roof, right. I don't understand. Right. This makes no sense. Like this, this is not, this is not lining up. And so, uh, we went to the XXL awards and I won, I, I beat all the men and I won that award and I gave a great speech about like being proud to be a woman in that moment. Doing that. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's a cool, I I, you'd have to look it up. Okay. I'll look it up. Butcher it right now. But, uh, and then, um, bill Bong ended up dropping me completely and I got nominated for an SB so that year I won a men's award at the XXL awards. Unthinkable thing to happen. I got nominated for an espy. Wow. And I became the first woman to ever be invited to the Eddie.

Speaker 3: 1:06:25

Yeah.

Keala: 1:06:25

Also an unthinkable impo. Like what was thought to be an impossible thing. Like, so I'd done like all these like glass ceiling shattering things. Yeah. Like history making thing one after the other, all in this one year. And I had no sponsors, not a single sponsor. That is sickening. Yeah. That is absolutely like the best performance here. My entire career I was making$0.

Quincy: 1:06:57

Yes. You heard that right? Kay has said she was making$0 the pinnacle of her career. Proving that women can surf waves as hard as men can surf and tearing it up, getting the shots, and still making zero. So unfortunately the episode shut off there. As I said at the beginning, I think I must have lost wifi or something and it cut out. But the remainder of our conversation was, I feel like Ka, I needs some sort of representation. Retribution back pay. Formal public apology or something like that. Not only from the surfing, um, foundations, but also from Billabong, from Red Bull, from, you name it, whoever was out there dissing her and ignoring the fact that this human absolutely, 100% did the impossible, should be. Compensated for this in any way possible. And I told her she was a bigger human than I was because she said, you know what, I'm not mad anymore. And I said, well, maybe because it's new for me. I am still mad because I feel, feel like it is just so incredibly unfair. Especially in light of how LGBTQIA plus two-Spirit people are being treated during this administration. And to hear about this from, yes, was it 25 years ago, Uhhuh, but does that matter? Absolutely not because that doesn't change what she did. That doesn't change the fact that she put her neck on the line and went into debt to chase these waves to show the entire world, the entire surfing community, male, female, and you name it in between that she could do this. So. Thank you incredibly so much for listening to the entirety of this podcast. As you all know, if any of you have ever recorded something and wanted it to sound perfect, not everything is gonna work out perfectly, but I think the story that she told was absolutely perfect. And if you didn't love Kala before. I hope you absolutely adore her now and share this episode with anyone you think can be changed by this story can be changed by the. Uh, fierceness in her, uh, any budding athlete in your family that needs to hear from a professional surfer who went against all odds. Thank you. Everyone. Enjoy this episode. There's just a couple weeks left in 2025. Please use them well and love deeply. Thank you so much everyone.